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Elderly parents
Original poster

Constant trips to A & E

17 replies

Janedownourlane · 14/12/2019 21:44

Finally spoke to DM on the phone after trying to contact her all afternoon ( she lives a 2 hour drive away). She has been to A & E again...this happens roughly every 2 weeks, she takes herself in a taxi and says that these are the out of hours doctors and she is entitled to use them as she has paid into the system and its for her use. Again, she has nothing wrong, has been checked out, no treatment needed, sent home. She is mid eighties, forgetful but generally ok in herself, no major health issues which is amazing really. I think this is attention seeking as she never needs treatment and Im worried that she'll be put on a blacklist for turning up there so often.
Plus, I then have to listen to an hour or more of her imaginary symptoms, I worry that this will be seen as 'crying wolf' and they will soon refuse to see her. She will only take advice from a doctor so anything I say is completely disregarded. Any ideas on how I can approach this with her?

OP posts:
thesandwich · 14/12/2019 22:20

This sounds hard. Would it be worth contacting her gp with your concerns and ask if they could speak to her?

Tolleshunt · 14/12/2019 22:23

What’s really going on with her, that she feels the need to do this? Does she feel lonely/neglected? Lacking attention? Does she have health anxiety? Is she thinking lots of A&E attendance will get her referred for something else?

It might be worth bottoming this out with her, if she’s amenable to talking about it.

helacells · 14/12/2019 22:32

Sounds like she's lonely. Why don't you or another siblings move her in?

adviceneededon · 14/12/2019 22:34

She will be added to a. "Frequent flyer" database so when she turns up it'll flag on the system. But they won't treat her any differently because of it. Lots of people rock up at A&E just for a warm, or someone to talk to. Your mum just sounds lonely.

Purplewithred · 14/12/2019 22:38

Let a&e deal with this - she won’t listen to you anyway. Eventually someone will check her records and tell her she can’t see a doctor in a&e but will have to call 111 for an out of hours appointment.

lljkk · 14/12/2019 22:49

There's no blacklist. They may track the frequent flyers but they never turn them away. I've heard GPs say of their frequent visitors "How I wish I could prescribe them a friend!"

I wonder if seeing her so often when she is well, could mean they will be quicker to know she's truly poorly if she turns up truly poorly; they will know what her normal is like.

Washingnerd · 15/12/2019 01:08

OP as a A&E nurse she would never be turned away or blacklisted... I agree she might be flagged up as a frequent attender, which may then follow with a care pathway depending on the trust, I know in my particular trust we are really good at identifying people who use the service often and try to implement a clear plan of care but that is location dependent. It sounds like she is lonely, I would suggest age uk, maybe a PA if she can afford it to keep her company/take her shopping etc

Hazardexhausted · 15/12/2019 01:16

I wouldn't be to hard on her, she's in her 80s and being forgetful can make you anxious. If she has a particular issue or a set of issues could you go with her to the GP to discuss them?

Savingshoes · 15/12/2019 01:45

helacells I agree!

If not, why don't you phone her GP during the week and discuss your concerns with them?

They might be able to put some details on her record to help with future calls/apts?

Or the might arrange for a SS referral to review her needs/advise care home maybe more appropriate.

TheoriginalLEM · 15/12/2019 01:52

I feel your pain! This is my mother, except she does have medical conditions that generally mean a call to 111 results in an ambulance ride.

What this will do though is flag her up to the drs. I would suggest you call her gp and explain the situation and request an assessment.

Age concern are very helpful

TheoriginalLEM · 15/12/2019 08:24

And no - moving your mum in with you isn't the answer. It also isn't that straightforward.

You have to become a squeaky wheel with the health service.

A&E is the last place a poorly elderly person needs to be. My mother had to wait 14 hours one time because whilst they won't turn her away they are busy with people who are busy trying to die. Each visit to a&E makes her just a little bit worse.

GP is first port of call. She will already been flagged up. Then maybe get her an appointment that you could attend with her. If she feels listened to she might feel confident enough to wait to see her Dr (of course that relies on being able to get an appointment which is half three problem in the first place and a whole other thread!) But the dr needs to have a frank talk with her about how to get the right help at the right time.

If she is anything like my mother then good luck with that.

Flowers it's hard, i know xx

MereDintofPandiculation · 15/12/2019 10:35

Why don't you or another siblings move her in? It shouldn't take very long reading the experiences on this board to see why that might not be such a good idea.

Original poster
Janedownourlane · 15/12/2019 19:13

Thank you to everyone who has replied-I have read and thought about all that you have said.
I hadnt heard of 'frequent fliers' but its good to know that they will see her if she rocks up at A & E but that also she will have been noticed and flagged up.
Thinking about this today, I think there is a combination of loneliness and health anxiety going on. She wouldnt live with us (won't even visit as ironically she says we live too far from a hospital!) and working FT means that I just cant do the 4 hour round trip every week. At the moment I see her every 3-4 weeks, but I have noticed that she has been deliberately shrinking her social group. Health professionals seem to be her 'go to' social contact more and more-if only the GP could prescribe a friend for her!
I may now try and follow this up with her GP and have a chat to her about perhaps getting in touch with her old friends again-not always easy as she can be stubborn and is still quite independent.
Thank you again for all your thoughts-much appreciated and its helped me just to write this down and know that so many of you understand!

OP posts:
thesandwich · 15/12/2019 20:14

At our docs surgery there was a notice about “social prescibing” to help alleviate such problems- does her surgery offer such things?
Or age uk .

BarbaraFromOopNorth · 18/12/2019 19:05

This is my Mum except she loves going to see the GP rather than A&E.

Could you flag it with the GP? My Mum's referred her to a social prescriber who suggested lots of local groups and coffee mornings. It didn't make a jot of difference but I would imagine it might work for some.

Original poster
Janedownourlane · 18/12/2019 20:17

Hi, thanks Barbara and Sandwich. I will look into social prescribing, it sounds like what she needs, but ha...will she do it? Its hard to motivate her to do things, she says no one speaks to her. There are some retirement flats locally to her that run everything from Tai Chi to knitting baby clothes, but although she promises me she will go, she never does.
Its so difficult when she needs company but wont help herself.
Good to know that its not just her (and me!)
Thanks all.

OP posts:
Juststopit · 18/12/2019 20:22

There a phone line called Silverline which is for the elderly people who are feeling lonely they can ring for a chat or advice. What about Age Uk befriending service? They can provide someone to pop in and see her occasionally and also run activities. A trip or discussion with the gp or practice nurse may also be worth it, there are often frailty teams who specialise in the elderly with health concerns. It is hard I know.

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