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Elderly parents

So glad I found this board!

3 replies

Wherearemyminions · 11/12/2019 09:53

Been feeling recently like no-one tells you about this stuff, your children grow up and move out and it's all supposed to be great, the freedom, the lessening of responsibility, the extra time and then BAM, you're back into a caring role before you've had time to even think about what you want to do for yourself.

Will lurk a little and catch up, my biggest concern at the moment is how to tackle the conversation about giving up driving.

Mum died a few years back, which was a big shock, Dad having been the one with major health issues and Mum being very active. Since then, he has coped OK but is declining quite rapidly now. Stubborn is an understatement, it's taken me 3 years to persuade him to get a stairlift and took about the same to get him to accept a cordless phone and a cleaner.

Over the last few months, he has got better at asking for help, I'm now asked to accompany him everywhere, doctors, shopping etc which I'm happy to do but there's no plan B if I'm away or unwell. He insists on driving though which is mad, I take my car to get to his house and could easily do it. The last few journeys have been frankly terrifying and I need to tackle the issue, I know I'm avoiding it as it's going to be very difficult but on the other hand, I would never forgive myself if he hurt himself or someone else :(

OP posts:
thesandwich · 11/12/2019 13:24

Welcome to the club no one wants to be in. Sorry you have to join.
Driving- mil couldn’t remember how to pay for fuel and local police called... who then we asked to do follow up call to say she shouldn’t be driving. This was rural, so not sure if local police could help, but we could blame them... could you mention to gp? Report concern to dvla?
Much sympathy🌺

Gh0stwalk · 04/01/2020 16:50

I had this driving problem with my DF. You can refer him for a driving assessment with these guys
www.rdac.co.uk/services/driving-
I asked his GP to refer him - it seemed better and less awkward than openly referring him myself. And is also the cheaper option!

Rinsefirst · 04/01/2020 21:28

The DVLA can also be a friend.
My then 80 yr old DF had two incidents in a month - found wandering on motorway ( and DM separately 100m behind) after breakdown and roundabout bump. Was required to do assessment. Tested and failed spectacularly with list of seven major faults DF denied or contested each and every one.. Licence suspended immediately however, was miraculously given opportunity to resist test in automatic car if he took lessons. However not satisfied with This very kind offer to resit, DF decided to complain to DVLA about the incompetence of the examiner. Each time he entered into correspondence the DVLA took seven weeks to reply. Eventually after nearly a year of arguing he gave up. (The examiner turned out to be the head of examining for the county.) Grin
I’d try what Ghost says or call DVLA

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