It's my mother in law of thirty years.
She is 93 and has aspiration pneumonia and been in hospital nearly a week now. She is on iv antibiotics and fluids but that will be withdrawn soon. She hasn't been mobile for six weeks and was in a care home for a few weeks before going into hospital bed bound. her mobility and physical health had been bad for decades ( scoliosis) but mentally she was good for her age. Even yesterday she was talking about things and knew where she was.
We have never got on : she is a narcissist and difficult doesn't really cover it! She gave my dh and his sister a decent childhood but things became bad and she had a bad / difficult marriage for years. All her fault but she didn't ever acknowledge that it was. Lots of reasons why etc.
However, I am upset that's she is now dying : she wants to die and she is old and helpless so why do I feel so bad? Why? My dh is strong even when his dad passed last year he handled it well. He also wanted to die and it was a release.
I can't talk to anyone in real life. Nobody understands how bad she could be ; not violent at all but all mental abuse. She was the most unreasonable person at times.
Nothing was ever good enough.
Anyway has anyone else ever felt this way?
Are my own feelings just guilt?
I am confused.
Thanks for reading