I'm posting a lot - we as a family are very new to all this.
MIL has osteoporosis, Parkinsons and probably LB dementia. She lives at home with FIL, who does all the household care, and reminds her to have a shower, drink water, take her medication etc as best he can. We think that she is right on the cusp of not being able to manage her personal care - possibly over it. My SIL who visits at least 3 times a week to do their housework / laundry, has noticed that MIL smells bad - either she's not wiping properly after the toilet, or she's not washing herself properly in the shower, or she's not showering enough. We aren't sure which one it is.
How do you start a conversation of this nature with someone who is intensely modest (repressed) about bodily functions and would never, ever talk about such private matters publicly - even with family? SIL finds it incredibly difficult to be open or assertive with her parents. DH, I think she'd find it even harder coming from him because he is male.
Those of you with parents that need personal care: did you do it yourself or get a carer to do it? I just can't envisage how we get to a place where MIL is okay with having someone else wipe her bum for her! Or to wash her private parts for her when she's having a shower? My head is exploding at the thought.