Hi, I have been lurking here for a while and have decided to join the fray, as you all sound lovely and reading about what you are going through puts my own problems into perspective.
My 91-year-old mother, having been widowed for the third time, has been in a care home for nearly a year. When she first went in I thought I would be able to relax a bit and enjoy my retirement (I am 62 and my DH is almost 67). However, that is not proving to be the case. My main bone of contention is that every time we have the temerity to go away on a little break or a holiday she seems to have a bad day right before we are due to go, and then I go away feeling anxious and guilty.
The worst of all was right before our latest holiday. We were going to Wales for a week, and we were literally finishing our packing and getting ready to leave. It was 8.30 in the morning and there was a phone call from the home. My mother was refusing all food, drink and medicine and had left a note instructing that she should not be woken up for anything. The carer who phoned wondered was there anything I could think of that may have triggered this. I mentioned our holiday, and the carer immediately suggested that might have something to do with it. I then phoned my stepsister, and her response was “Go on your holiday, it’s just a protest”. So we went, but needless to say it got the holiday off to a really bad start. When we arrived at our first destination I switched my mobile on and there was a voicemail from my mother. She was up, showered and dressed, was really sorry to have worried me and that the home called me. However, by then the damage had been done.
I’m just interested to know, has anyone else experienced this sort of behaviour on the part of an elderly parent? It’s like I am being punished for wanting to live my life, and it aggrieves me to think that at our age we don’t know how much longer we have before one of us starts having problems.
BTW she has not been diagnosed with dementia, she generally has all her marbles, so I can't put her behaviour down to that.
Thanks for listening.