My Mum is very independent, strong willed and intelligent. My step dad is a lovely man, but sometimes I feel like he enables mum when she behaves, by most people's standards, in a narcissistic way.
Over the last year it's become very noticeable that mum is struggling with anxiety and a sense of loss of control over her life. Although, she's extremely well off and enjoys a life that most people would envy, she has lost both her sisters and doesn't easily make and keep friends.
What seems to be at the root of this is she has become very forgetful, beyond what you would expect for 70. She's given up her Italian lessons, and won't speak in Italian anymore - this used to be a favorite thing for her to do. She knows we are worried, but refuses help, even seeing the GP, claims we are bullying her when we suggest she does, and has even tried to get my step dad diagnosed with dementia, I think in retaliation for him suggesting she has it.
What complicates this is she also has MS, and I keep stressing to step dad that this could very well be down to that, and she's probably very frightened.
The refusing to see a doctor is getting very difficult now, as it's not the only thing she won't see the doctor about - she's let a bunion get so bad that her toe is clearly broken. She went absolutely berserk when she found out that my step dad has tried to get advice about this from a friend who is a surgeon. Distressingly, especially for step dad, she claims she can't see a doctor because they'll make her not use her foot for months, and no one, especially my step dad, will look after her for that long. We've reassured her, but then she gets angry and says she's being bullied.
Saw her at the weekend. She seemed like she didn't want to see me. I called home today, and she won't normally speak on the phone, but today she did because she's lost something of sentimental value, and after accusing me of taking it, she broke down and said she was feeling sad and wants me to come back. I live 2 hours away, work full time and parent an 11 year old alone. So I gently told her I couldn't do that, but I can't wait to see her again and will arrange with step dad (she doesn't do arrangements anymore)
I feel very much that mum does have the right to refuse care if she really doesn't want it, but she may not be as capable of making decisions like that as she once was. When and how do I intervene?