Brother with learning difficulties expected to be mother's carer.

[Hadalifeonce]

My sister and I have reported our mother for emotional abuse if our brother who has learning difficulties. Social services are doing separate assessments of them both. My brother's SW has said he needs to be independent and to put him on the housing list for sheltered housing; mum's SW has contacted her today to say they will be looking at carer's allowance and OT, to show brother how to help her. She has 2 carers a day go in to get her up and put her to bed, but refuses to let them do it, demanding our brother died it.
The SW told my sister that as he is helping her he is legally her carer. My sister told he that he doesn't have the mental capacity to look after himself properly, so cannot possibly be expected to look after someone else.

Does anyone know if someone with learning difficulties, can be legally declared the carer for their abuser?

As far as I am aware, no-one can be forced to care for anyone else. The "legally his carer" concept is aimed towards getting help for the carer (eg a carer is eligible for an assessment of their care needs). So even if he didn't have learning difficulties, he would be able to say he didn't wish to be his mother's carer.

In fact, it would be easier if he didn't have learning difficulties - he'd then be able to say firmly that he couldn't care for his mother, and refuse to apply for carers allowance or see the OT. As it is, I amagine he is susceptible to suggestion, the social workers won't have a clue about the family dynamics, and both are operating in an underfunded system. Your Mum's SW has your mum's interests at heart, she sees a son already doing the caring, and she is doing what she can to improve the situation by getting more money (carer's allowance) and helping the son be more effective. But your mother's rights don't trump his rights. SW needs to be told, by your son's SW and possibly GP, that son doesn't have capacity to be carer and her solution won't work.

I would discuss it with your brothers SW and express concern that he has been given this title and associated expectations despite being abused by your mother. Ask his SW to speak to hers as they will have more sway. I would also make it clear to your mums SW that she is abusive and your brother is being moved for this reason. The referral for OT wont be quick so he will hopefully be moved out long before this.

Hi thanks. Received a call today, and we are meeting with Brother's SW tomorrow. She has met him once, last week as an introductory meeting, and will use this meeting to get greater knowledge of mother's abuse.
Mum's SW didn't seem to understand about coercive control etc..

Unfortunately the SW does know about the family dynamics, as both teams spoke to each other before they met mother and brother, we were so angry about the suggestion they would aid him caring for her. I told DSis that it would be like telling a battered wife that it was OK they would give her a bottle of water and a bucket to spit the blood into.
We know they are under loads of pressure, but surely basic common sense must prevail.

"DB cannot be DM's carer because it would be a Safeguarding concern."

Keep repeating this again and again and make Social Care take responsibility.

V diff circs but SC wanted me to stay overnight with DM when she was confused & wandering despite me living 2 hours away and having young children.

Sometimes you have to say no.

We have had a meeting with DB's social worker, DB was also there, she understands exactly why DB cannot be her carer, and is going to ask mum's carer to talk to her about allowing DB to be more independent, and to use her carers properly. I also explained to DB's SW that she must tell mum's SW about coercive control and FOG.
Although it all goes to hell in a handcart when this morning he told me the carer put her to bed last night as he was going out at 5.
When I asked him to tell me the truth he admitted he had put her to bed as that is what she wanted, but told him to lie to us about it!

I am beginning to really dislike my own mother.

This is a dreadfully difficult situation but thank god he’s being open with you.
Keep pushing. Social services are trying to take the easy way out. If you are stand in the way of that they’ll see it’s not such an easy way after all and do something else.
Your brother needs to be away from your mother in a supported situation, I guess?

You could demand that your brother has a capacity assessment and an advocate assigned to him. Even if he has capacity an advocate would be really helpful and could enable him to make an unbiased decision.

I'm not saying you are in the wrong at all but it would be someone completely impartial

His SW is definitely onside with DSis and me, and is happy I have put him on the housing list. She asked if I had given her details, which I had, she said good to that.

He knows he shouldn't be doing what he does bu our mother gives him such a hard time if he goes against her demands; we have tried to give him coping strategies, but she is relentless.

We met with the SW at DSis's house, we were out less that 2 hours in total, mum telephoned 5 times to ask if he was coming home soon; even when I said we were having a cup of tea and don't know when we will return, she called about 20 minutes later. It was annoying to DSis and me, but I can see if she's like this at home, he does what she wants just to shut her up.

You posted about this a few weeks ago

Hopefully your brother's social worker can help get him housed quickly. It might not stop the emotional abuse and phone calls and demands to come round and help her.

brassbrass: This post was to ask about the legality of telling my brother with learning disabilities that he was a carer.
Everything else in an ongoing problem.