Making life better for my 99 year old godmother

[JontyDoggle37]

She’s mostly bed bound, occasionally strong enough to get out and sit in a chair. She wants to die and is not afraid of saying so. She sees the same four walls all the time. I’ve been taking her favourite chocolate in, but want to find other little things that might make the day brighter. I cannot give her the gift she actually wants, of death. Any ideas?

i think i would focus on bringing the outside indoors. so, plants (fake or real), a small indoor water feature, scented plug ins etc. could you also maybe see about getting a small projector for your phone, so when you visit you can show her photos on the wall etc of the past or of what you have been doing that week? all the best to you and her x

Do you have anyone in the family with a VR headset? There is a company that I saw on North West news working with bed bound patients on holiday and bucket list experiences using VR. They had things that ranged from exhilerating experiences like flying over the grand canyon to lying on a beach on a tropical island.

The patients in the piece talking about it were very enthused by their experiences.

Other thoughts talking books from the library, things like a digitised photo frame with rotating images of special things - if eyesight is poor magnification of the images so they can again be seen.

Bear with me on this but there is a FB group called as seen through horses ears. It's a public group and people post views and videos of all over the world if she would like something like that? Some of them even do head cameras so it's like a virtual ride! I used it for one of my clients when I worked as a carer, she adored it

Thank you! Plants are a good shout, she was a keen gardener, I do already show her my photos from the week on my phone. I’m not sure she’s with it quite enough for a VR headset, but maybe some videos of different places. She was also saying her hands hurt so I might try to do a very gentle hand massage and paint her nails or something.

Quiet company, understanding and acknowledgement of her wish to die now, holding hands. Hand massage sounds lovely. Maybe ask questions about what she has enjoyed and not enjoyed about her life - may wish to open up about a burden? And ask her advice about lots of things, just everyday matters.

Music! If she has dementia then Playlist for Life are really helpful, if she doesn't them you can use some of their ideas- talk with her about music she loves, that reminds her of happier times, that was played at her wedding, that she enjoyed when growing up, that reminds her of loved ones, that is in her favourite films, etc, then make a playlist for her.
Same for TV programmes and films, much better to get her favourites rather than the crap on daytime tv.

Other sensory stuff- some people find things like bubble tubes, lava lamps, projector lights etc relaxing. Also fuzzy blanket, silk pillowcase, other things that are nice to touch. Flowers, nice smelling hand cream, maybe something she loved the smell of when she was much younger (I know a few fans of Pears soap as it reminds them of childhood bathtime)

Does she like animals? If she's in a care home they probably have access to Pets as Therapy (the ones around here all have dog visits and some have even had alpacas and Shetland ponies!) If she's at home then some voluntary organisations can take pets to visit people at home- your local social work department should be able to advise.

Do you have children or if not does anyone else in the family have children who might like to go and visit her?

Had a doctor had a look at her sore hands? Might be something that can be done to help, even just regular paracetamol can make a big difference.

Although it's understandable that she would want her life to end when she is so disabled and in pain, I would suggest that she should be assessed for depression by GP- I'm an old age psychiatrist and sometimes see patients who are very unwell and are nearing the end of their lives so it's assumed that their despair and wish to die is due to their circumstances but after some careful questioning it turns out that they have depression and an antidepressant can make their last few months a lot better.