Shit, my first thread here...

[theunrivalledjoysofparenting]

And I’m not sure how I feel about it. But I’m sad.

My parents are 77. In many ways they are very fit and well and doing well for their age. But... hygiene.

Mum especially. Non-existent. I’ve been staying with them this week.

She has really long nails and they’re filthy.

She came in from our day out, took defrosted gammon steaks, put them under grill, then got strawberries out of the fridge and cut them up without washing her hands or washing the strawberries. Boak.

Last night for tea she served up cold meats. The chicken was 2 days out of date and the roast beef 4 days out of date. I ate a slice of beef then saw the date and was worried all night I’d be sick. I wasn’t, but still...

I have emetophobia and I am not finding it relaxing eating with her at all.

She’s happy to serve ready-prepped potato salads, coleslaw, etc, but will serve them a week after their sell-by date.

Wwyd?? Have tried saying to her, what about washing your hands? Before cooking, but she gets really shirty. Really annoying thing was, she told my ds to wash his hands and he is phobic about germs so washes his hands all the time!

So she’s happy to tell people what to do, but not for anyone to tell her - gah. She’s always been like this, but i’m Seriously worried about eating with her and how hygienic and safe we will be.

Advice, please???

Well I don't think that sounds too awful. I think it's your own anxiety that is blowing this up in to more of a thing?

Really? You’d handle fruit with hands that have just touched raw meat?

And offering out Of date meat is ok?

Why are you not cooking and giving your 77 Yr old parents a rest?

Because they’re very independent and would resist at every turn!

What an odd question.

I know what you're saying, OP, I've had similar concerns about my DF and DSM, but they don't seem to get upset stomachs often!

As a PP said, offer to cook for them so they can relax and spend more time with the DGS. We also take them out for lunch, etc. as a treat so we don't need much to eat later on.

Hygiene standards have tightened over the decades and I think that my folks (in their 80's) just don't worry about expiry dates, etc. as much as we do.

Nothing at all odd about asking why you wouldn't cook for your 77 Yr old parents, what an odd answer!!

Anyway, the issue of who cooks is bye the bye. It sounds like your mum is used to cooking that way and it's suited them so far. Maybe you are noticing it more as you have kids now, maybe you didn't notice before. My mum used to leave food out overnight in the frying pan, she ate it the next day and was never up nor down!!
I think the best policy is to either go with the flow or maybe do the combination of eating out or you saying you love cooking and you'll make them something?

what an odd answer!! Not odd in the slightest. I know 77 year olds (and older) who are climbing and potholing. They certainly wouldn't take kindly to people offering to prepare meals in their own home. If OPs mother is serving up varied meals as she is, then the likelihood is that she wouldn't take kindly to someone taking over the food prep.

I can't see any alternative to simply not eating there. But it's difficult if you are staying there (and difficult to book a hotel unless you have a very good pretext). Our family had a great aunt who washed her hair only once a year, and washed dishes by trailing them under the cold tap. My mother used to surreptitiously wash crockery properly before use, and I think most of the time we avoided more than a light tea there. But in some ways it was easier as it was before sell-by dates. As long as the food didn't look or smell rank you didn't know it was past its sell by date.

Similar problems here. Managed to stealthily throw out a few things that expired in 2003 yesterday...

Just dont.eat her food
I would say you need to wash your hands.after.touching meat..is past by date coleslaw and potato salad any worse than using a jar of mayonnaise that has been the fridge. I'd take my own food or say you'll prepare lunch. Maybe also offer her a manicure.
.

I live 400 miles away so when I see her we usually stay there and it’s for a few days.

Every suggestion I make is met with a no or criticism. Why should I get my nails done? They’re fine. I use them as tools 🙄

If I suggest hand washing she sighs and gets in a mood. If I mention anything about sell-by dates she goes in a huff. Awkward.

She and Dad are very active - walking, several holidays per year, active in church and volunteering.

Dad is like that with out of date food. We live nearer then you do to yours and don't tend to eat at his! I think he must've developed resistance as he hasn't had any illness as yet. Is like yours v stubborn, doesn't take suggestions on board.
It's great that yours are still active.

We’ve been through all this with my gran and mil. Depressing to think it’s starting with my parents too. Sounds like it’s pretty common. Gah.

Thing is, Mum is a foodie and loves posh restaurants etc., yet has the worst hygiene ever at home!

We went through this with my granny. She ended up in hospital with salmonella at one point. My mum used to stealthily go through her fridge but we all lived far apart.
Ultimately she started getting meals on wheels which was depressing but helped with food.

Doesn't sound like your parents are at that stage yet. I think it is really common. My granny used to over buy as was used to cooking for more people and hated wasting food. So maybe a discussion around buying less so is it used by the date? Tough one

It does sound grim but tbf if you and they aren't ill it does kind of prove her point. I'd take your own food as I don't think they're going to listen and change.

But I really can't take my own food! That would be insane. I'm going to have to talk to them...

Could you introduce the idea of cooking for them by saying something like 'I've discovered this great new recipe for [insert a food they like!] and I'd love to make it for you."

I've done that with mine, bought the ingredients locally and then made double the recipe so we ate it for a couple of days! They now enjoy me cooking for them when I visit - of course, they're older and less mobile than your parents so it's a genuine break for them.