When I get old...

[nearlynermal]

Just wading through a week on my own visiting DF 93 (someone once said staying with parents made him feel simultaneously lonely and claustrophobic.) Does anyone have any resolutions about things they won't do when they're old? Mine include:

1. Ask questions
2. Don't talk for more than 10 mins at a stretch
3. Don't keep a special jam jar to hurk sputum into
4. Wash regularly
5. Recognise that nobody gives a good goddamn about my family tree

I like to think I can avoid the pitfalls but I think the most likely scenario is that I will be extremely weird and difficult 😖🙄
Sounds like a really tough week @nearlynermal😖

Don’t ask questions? Why not?
I’d love it if my long deceased parents could talk for ten minutes. I’d give them unlimited time.
That’s gross!
Hmmm - you won’t?
I’d love to know more about my family tree, especially my father’s.

@Pipandmum I meant do ask questions. As in, be a good conversationalist and show an interest in the other person so people will want to interact! Probably harder to do when they're lonely and want to have their say when they get the chance.

@Whosorrynow thanks! Yeah, I reckon that despite my resolutions I'm going to be eccentric and difficult!

I am going to be a mad old cat lady living in a cottage on the edge of a forest.

I think the questions that your ask are very interesting OP😊
if I live to be in my 90s we will be in the 2060s..... what will Life be like then, maybe we will have found ways to stay mentally young, to not get closed off and weird, maybe life expectancy will be around 120 and 90 will seem not so old?
when your 93 year old relative was in his 40s or 50s I wonder what his expectations were for his old age?

Probably harder to do when they're lonely and want to have their say when they get the chance. Very hard, yes. They may have had all week listening to the radio. What they want to do now is talk and have some listen, not yet more listening themselves. Doesn't mean they're not interested.

I'd like to think that I won't talk about bodily functions. Had to stop my father describing his motions to his chiropodist.

Had to stop my father describing his motions to his chiropodist.

^^ Laughing robustly at that one

I will try and make life easier for me and any DC by trying to not do things like

living in the middle of nowhere and not being able to drive
living in a cluttered cottage with many stairs
keeping on unmanageable businesses and / or pets
being overly self obsessed and dramatic / victim like and failing to make any changes which could help myself
not accessing appropriate health care
if divorcing try to move on, instead of staying enmeshed and bitter and relying on Dcs instead.

So basically, trying to avoid all that and keep things simple

Can you tell the rest of the stuff is making things difficult with elderly parents and in laws? trying to learn from it.

I’m going to keep up friendships and not rely solely on DC and any grandkids I may have.

I’m going to access any medical and social services assistance to which I’m entitled, so that the burden on DCs is eased.

But what is the point of a long life if you have to give up most of it in order to make life simpler for your DC? Yes, I know that's a selfish point of view, but if from the age of 70 you have to move into a town near to buses when your dream has been to live in the country, give up your garden, get rid of your most of your treasured belonging, lose the pets who offer you day to day support, what benefit are your extra years giving you?

Oh... In my experience it will come to us all. What you describe is the way it works. Whether it is because of being less mobile, not in the social/working circles you used to or due to illness, dementia, or just how it is - take your pick.

I have seen this several times, people saying 'when I get old, I will definitely not do/be...' and lo and behold. This from intelligent normal people taking care of someone old at the time.

Of course there are differences, some are better than others, but this is the way nature works, imo.

Not that it is not hard work, I have been there, but I'm afraid that if you get to be very old, this is how your surroundings will see you.

Someone help us all .

I meant to try and keep things simple for me, not just the DC. Not giving it all up, but keeping in manageable. So, maybe one dog instead of 3...(!)

Look at your parents. That is you at their age. There is nothing you can do about it. DNA.

Live. Love. Laugh. Yoga.

So, maybe one dog instead of 3 Yes, we've downsized on cats. I'm limiting it to 3 from now on. Rather disturbing to think these are probably the last cats I'll have.