Social services care assessment

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My mother has mixed dementia, diagnosed two years ago and my father who is main carer is on waiting list for hip replacement, they are both in early eighties.
Social services are doing an assessment this week and I will be attending.
The situation is becoming worse, my mother has attacked my father two years ago, she has accused him of doing the same, which he hadn’t.
Today she rang SS and said he is not feeding her, that is a lie and she wants to go into a care home.
The whole situation is deteriorating, I live 1.5 hours away, my dad has to do everything as she refuses to get out of bed.
I think this has potential for becoming dangerous as my mum is constantly shouting at him whilst I was phoning her today.
Not sure what to ask for at this meeting?

Oh dear. She needs a capacity assessment to determine how much she understands about her illness, behaviour and risks they are both at. Does anyone have power of attorney for her. If he is at risk one of them needs to be moved to a safer environment, if she is able to say she wants to go I to a home then that might be better for both of them. Do they have any outside help at all. He should leave her in bed, he is at risk of hurting himself and possibly her if he tries to get her up. I would ring the gp and explain the situation, she might have a medical condition that is making her behaviour worse like an infection or dehydration. I would also call the social worker and say you feel they are both at risk, how do you know she rang them, they should have acted on that . Social workers and gp can arrange emergency placements if people are at serious risk of harm.riou

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Thank you for your reply, carers are going to go in every morning and a care home place will be offered for 4 weeks when my dad has his operation.
I have POA, financial.

Has someone (eg your father) got PoA Health and Welfare? If she still has capacity, it's worth it to get that as a matter of urgency. Not only does it mean you are consulted when big decisions are made (you have to decide in her best interests taking into account what she would have wished), it makes it easier to get medical professionals to talk to you, tell you the results of tests etc.

Keep a daily diary of what is happening with your Dad. In my experience, professionals don't regard what you say as "evidence", but they do accept it as "evidence" if you have dates attached, even if it gets repetitive (as in, every single day she accuses him of not feeding her)