Hip replacement in carer

[NK346f2849X127d8bca260]

My 85 year old father needs a hip replacement, he is really fit and well so no worries re surgery but he cares for my 83 year old mother who has mixed dementia, not too bad yet.
My mother also had heart surgery several years ago and since then has gradually given up and stays in bed all day apart from going to appointments, so my father does everything including personal care as she now uses a commode and insists on help with washing. He also runs around all day as she constantly calls out for him to move pillows etc.
I live a 3 hour round trip away, work PT and home educate teen dd, there is no family near her and I am only child.
I don’t know what to do, they have savings but not sure how much, so am keen to put mother in nursing home for a few weeks but unsure what happens if surgery for dad is rescheduled .
Really appreciate some advice.

Hi,

It's quite common to place into nursing homes in these circumstances.

Even if this will be self-funded, you can approach social services for support in this, and they can suggest placements that may be more flexible.

Our local authority has bulk purchased short stay beds, so you may be able to access more homes if you go via Social Services.

Make sure that the hospital are aware that your father is a carer, in case that helps them not reschedule the operation.

Thank you for that info, I will remind dad to mention he is a carer and will contact social services.

We are in the same situation, FIL is the cater for my MIL and he needs a hip replacement soon.

Two sides to consider. Your DF will need care for several weeks after his op if your mum is not able to provide it: he’ll need help with personal care and things like food, housework etc. At his ore op meeting he’ll be asked if he has someone at home able to care for him - he has to say no, and that he needs care at home during his recovery.

For your DM... you need to request scare needs assessment ASAP if it hasn’t already been done. We are in Scotland where it may be different, but afaik her care needs will not be assessed as part of your fathers “package” - she needs a separate assessment done via social services.