My Dad want to come home

[MereDintofPandiculation]

After a sudden mental and physical decline, my father finally accepted care and meals on wheels to help him live at home, but even with 2-3 carer visits daily, district nurses and meals on wheels, he had pressure sores which wouldn't clear, messed up his meds and got oedema and ulcerated legs, was having frequent falls, and lost 2 stone in weight, culminating in nursing home entry in March.

He is now eating properly, has no oedema, no pressure sores, and hasn't fallen over. He said to me yesterday "I need to get out of this place and get back home".

I don't think he can be safely at his home without a burden on me that I'm not prepared to accept.

What I'm planning to do is to work out all the things that need to be in place for him to come home. Carer to get him up, carer to put him to bed (will have to be private as LA carers don't work after 10pm, and Dad is a night owl). Buy lots of clothes so I don't have to call round daily to collect washing. Meals on wheels. Someone to oversee medicines - not just the taking them, but to follow his routine of putting them out in a certain order and noting down each as he takes them. And so on.

Also things he himself needs to do - like walking around a lot more, actually taking himself to the toilet rather than peeing in a bottle in his room (because he can't safely carry full pee bottles to be emptied), generally up his mobility. Actually come out for a walk with me when I suggest it.

I don't think he'll make it. But it may be kinder to him to give him things to work towards than to say flatly "no, we can't keep you safe at home".

Any thoughts on this plan?

Mere re chapel, could you present someone as a friend of yours?

Is there a risk of him sending himself home?

sandwich, Rosa

Short term sense of time is ridiculous - he claimed the other day that he'd been left on the toilet for 8 hours ... I don't believe it - they'd have gone looking for him when he didn't eat his dinner. But I wouldn't like to risk promising "in the autumn"!

I don't think he's at risk of sending himself home - he's become strangely compliant.

Nursing home are going to try to get him to Chapel - they can't manage every week but they can manage sometimes.

I think you could say “maybe in October” and that would be a fair statement.

How are you holding up?

To be honest you know he cannot go home but perhaps getting him out for a night away once a month is feasible? He's expressed some tricky to arrange outing suggestions, so think of similar but either day trip or with a suitable hotel near by. As for the in home care you discussed at the start, unless you employ directly (hard to source) evening call is between 8&10 typically.

My mother now needs two people for personal care, and 24hr vigilance so that care at home no longer feasible.

Before that, we had heard that it could be difficult to find people to employ directly but, while she was well enough to be cared for at home, we had good experiences employing day carers through https://www.homeinstead.co.uk and then live in people through www.countrycousins.co.uk

We had the day carers twice a day, once to help get up and then make lunch & leave something for supper and then in the evening to help get ready for bed. We asked for two hours on each visit so they would have time to do anything else, mostly chat or to be fair, just listen to her stories. They also sent a daily txt to let us know all was well or anything that needed to be done like urine tests for UTIs etc.

When that was not enough, the country cousins provided very lovely people who lived In for a fortnight at a time, cooking, providing personal care and companionship.

Can absolutely recommend.