Anyone got tips for successfully convincing someone to stop driving?

[Regret2019]

She's always been a bad driver, slow reaction times, strange decisions. After an illness she had to stop, but shes better now and is keen to start driving the hour on A roads to where one of her non driving grandchildren lives.

The family are split - those of us who live in cities think she shouldn't drive again and that the £1000 on insurance alone every year equates to a lot of taxis. The country lot are far more relaxed about the elderly/unlicensed/over the limit ect driving

I'd ask her g.p. to reassess her ability. Driving on country roads can be far more dangerous than city roads.

Good call, thanks

You can report to the DVLA.

That insurance is very high, why's that?

the problem is that older people lose their judgement without being aware that they have lost their judgement
and this means that they cant be "convinced".

Either refer to the GP who will be discrete about who "shopped" them

or

carefully consider if the car keys will go missing!

I'll just jump in as a GP and ask nicely that you don't ask the GP to assess her driving. It's not something that they will be able to help with since they don't see her drive and presumably she has no conditions that automatically exclude her. Best course of action is to report to the dvla if you have concerns and they can perform their own testing.

My lovely grandmother was like this - our solution was to ask her to see her gp. On arrival at the surgery, she smartly reversed into the doctors car. She was taken off the road instantly

My DM was killed in a head on collision by a pensioner who drifted into oncoming traffic. He killed two people. My Dm was 69. He has no memory of the incident, they suspect he lost concentration or fell asleep.
Please pursue, you can report to the DVLA. If you wait for the elderly person to come to their senses, you can wait forever.

My husband reported his mother to the DVLA. They don't tell the elderly person who has reported them. They then have to jump through some hoops to continue driving.

https://www.olderdrivers.org.uk/driver-assessment/find-a-driver-assessment/

The only thing that worked with my GD was when his eyesight failed and the optician told him he could not continue to drive. It came as a great relief to me. I hadn’t realised you could report to dvla where there is no medical condition present. Worth knowing for future reference. Thank you for sharing!

Oh Cptartapp, I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I think part of what's making this difficult is wanting her to stop while she's still a bad driver, rather than clearly unsafe.

I'm interested in people's experiences with the DVLA - their website suggested that they couldn't do anything unless someone had a medical condition which seems wildly irresponsible to me.

Rosawaiting, It's mainly high because she isn't very savvy about finding deals without help. She's had the same insurers for ages and it took a leap when she turned 80.

ArtichokeArdvark - thats so funny. Annoyingly shes really good at maneuvering, she has the time to think it through

We arranged a driver assessment through a local centre, which seemed like a suitable neutral body to break the news

On arrival at the surgery, she smartly reversed into the doctors car
omg

With mil, after she couldn't work out how to pay for petrol one day dh spoke to the local police who arranged to have a word with her.
But family need to share a view and support.

Last year DM drove at 25mph up the M4 and took 8 hours to do a 2 hr journey. She clipped other cars regularly and still wouldnt give up driving. When her licence needed renewing i sent the form to the DVLA with a covering letter saying that i didn't think she should be driving and they refused to renew it. It came as an official letter so she couldnt argue.
I spoke to her GP previously and he wouldn't help me with stopping her driving. So when she was tested at the memory clinic and had very limited spatial awareness because of dementia the consultant neurologist agreed and i felt so relieved i had made the right decision - for the safety of all other roadusers round here!! She still moans about it but now has an account with the local taxi firm - "her driver" 😉

DVLA took 7 weeks to reply to every piece of correspondence so an elderly person trying to complain/appeal is off road for a long period if they want to challenge.

My uncle needs to stop. This is useful to pass on to parents.

I've just shopped both my parents to the DVLA. They only have one working eye between them. My Mum in particular has never been a good driver but is now downright dangerous. My dad has been having accidents in car parks etc for years (never his fault ). He can barely breathe or walk around much outside, his reactions are slow, his decision making poor and he gets very stressed behind the wheel ( but won't let on).
I haven't let my kids be in the car with them driving for three years.

They live rurally and will be very upset. I feel very guilty. But not as guilty as id feel if one of them killed someone else and I hadn't done anything to stop them.
Sensible conversations didn't work. In fact my dad, then aged 88, went out and bought himself a sports car as a result of my sister and I raising the issue. To make some sort of point I assume (but thereby proving that he is totally irrational on the subject).

It’s hard to see your parents or loved ones like this. My friends and I had an elderly friend whose driving was terrible and we just refused to go with him when he offered to drive. He soon got the hint.

Saying that they now deserve to be chauffeured around rather than having to go to the hassle of driving can work, especially if the local taxi firm help sweet-talk them. My mum thankfully stopped driving 10 years ago, because she 'didn't like the bother' of a car (which she kept pranging every couple weeks), and has used that logic on friends of hers (she'll never admit she was always a terrible driver but if she's not driving, that's fine)

Gp may not be helpful, they can advise someone not to drive but can’t make them stop and many gps don’t feel qualified to judge.

You can report her anonymously on the Dvla website. Also worth checking the dvla website for the very very long list of medical conditions you should report to them.

My fil ran himself over with his own car about 4 weeks ago (yes really) and gleefully told us at the weekend that his licence has just been extended - off to look at the above link

It’s difficult. My own ma passed away recently. My siblings and I were very close to having to have the talk with her about giving up driving. Glad we (and she) didn’t have to go through that. She was always resistant to using taxis or having shopping delivered - think she could see what was on the cards.
With my dad we hid the keys and slightly disabled his car - step ma still drove and much nicer car so he seemed not to notice.
Good luck op. Not looking forward when the time comes for me but hope I’ll realise when it has.

jesus, all these people who clearly shouldn't drive. It's one thing not letting your kids in the car with them but other innocent ppl are on the roads with them! There really should be some kind of check up but how, what...?