Anyone else with aged parent in owner-occupied flats for older people?

[marvik]

If so, I'd be interested to know if you've ever found the managers helpful if you have concern about your parent's declining health/ability to live independently

My mother is in very sheltered housing.

I get on well with the manager, but recognise that a time will come when she tells me that the setting is no longer safe and my mother needs to move into residential care. I have now seen several instances where has caused major conflict between manager and family. My approach is to keep up a dialogue and to respond promptly to requests for additional care visits etc. Problems do crop up as DM slowly declines. I see the dialogue as a partnership, where we are both agreed my mother is happy, and so have a common aim of keeping my mother there as long as possible. (Almost seven years so far, so a huge financial saving as well as a much better quality of life.)

Thanks needmore. I think I am the point where I need to start working on that dialogue. Mother also in very sheltered housing. Because the philosophy is that the people there are owners and the staff are in a kind of service role, I am not sure how much they will engage with me. I do, however, have power of attorney...

It sounds like a similar place.

Eventually people will have to move on, and most won't want to, not least for financial reasons. It will be the Manager making the decision, and the lease allows her to.

I have a catch up chat every few months or so, sometimes by phone or email. I try to keep it open, as in I am just catching up to confirm things are OK. I have needed to increase my mums care, and found the expert advice useful. Plus there was an awkward bullying episode when another resident had taken against my mother, which we were able to resolve.

I am lucky in that my mother is relatively well off, so I make a point to pay bills promptly. When I discovered that they were having problems sustaining an activity my mother particularly enjoyed, in part because some other residents are very cash strapped, I offered that my mum would sponsor it. In short, I am trying to ensure that despite the problems caused by her increasing dementia, she is seen as a valuable member of the community. The time will come when her needs are too much for that setting, but I think I have managed to delay the day. And I hope when the time comes, I will understand the Managers thinking and benefit from her help in finding somewhere suitable (and indeed in selling the flat.)

Oh, thanks for that. I think with my mother there are increasing problems with mobility and balance. I also think her cognition is deteriorating - but this may be to do with being tired and sometimes in pain and not sleeping well. I am wondering whether the manager could be an ally in trying to get my mother to agree she needs more support/adaptations to enable her to have a good quality of life and be able to stay where she is.