Worried about hygeine

[Macarenadance]

Nc for this as potentially outing and i feel really bad for sharing (possibly tmi) details.
My DF is in his 80s and lives alone since DM died about 10 years ago.
He is fairly independent and uses public transport to get around, goes to various social groups and church groups. He shops and cooks for himself and is quite sociable.
His house is very tidy and his bedroom especially.
However myself and my siblings really worry about both his personal hygeine levels and day to day cleaning in the house. He has a cleaner once a fortnight but doesnt do any cleaning in between times. My DC will not use the toilet there because it is usually grim. Sibs and i usually clean it whenever we are round at his house.
He very rarely showers and doesnt use toothpaste or shower gel and his handwashing is not thorough.
DH refuses to go for meals there because of the (un) cleanliness.
DF said he uses his washing machine around once every 3-4 weeks when he has accumulated enough washing for a full load. I notice some of his clothes have spills or stains on them.I think his sheets and towels are changed around once a month.
He has previously had some incontinence issues and used a catheter in the past. He was hospitalised several times with infections and me and Dsis think that his lack of handwashing and refusal to use the alcohol wipes supplied could have contributed to that.
When we have tried to raise any hygeine issues with him he brushes us off, laughing , telling us we are bossy, or obsessive about cleaning (none of us actually are).We suggested having the cleaner more regularly but he thinks its unneccessary.
I'm worried about the impact on his health (and anyone else who eats or stays there) but not sure whether he is beyond educating.

Hygiene standards are going up. I had a great aunt at whose house my DM refused to eat - my GA washed dishes by dangling them under the cold tap, washed her hair only once a year "I cover it with a scarf when I'm house cleaning so it doesn't get dirty". My father is better, but I don't eat off his plates. I have a horrible suspicion my own cleanliness standards aren't up to those of my DIL.

So in practical terms, he's probably less of a danger to himself than he is to you (because he's used to his own bugs, you are not). And he's probably beyond educating.

There is a need to tread carefully because he will be terrified of losing his capacity and his independence, and every time you talk to him about his hygiene you are reminding him that he is losing his capacity. I would go along along with his characterisation of you as "hygiene obsessed" - ie if you do any cleaning, pretend it's because you are obsessive about it rather than he's not coping with it.

Does he smell? (Possibly not, if he still has a social life). Does he wash in between showers? The daily shower thing is relatively recent - he probably didn't have a shower in the house when he was growing up, and wouldn't have had a daily bath, so he wouldn't see the necessity now, and might find it unpleasantly cold if his bathroom isn't overheated - the bit of you that isn't actually under the shower can get chilly very quickly. Our social worker advised us against spending money to convert my father's bathroom to a walk-in shower because her experience was that it wouldn't be used, so the not-showering is a common thing.

I think you are probably right that he has grown up in an age that was maybe less hygeine-conscious and has, to a degree, built up an immunity to that. We didn't have a shower in our house growing up (me and sibs are in our 40s) although we always wanted one!! We didn't bath every day but probably 2 or 3 times a week but DF bathed very rarely when we were growing up (like probably a couple of times a year!😳) DM was always trying to encourage him but he was (and still is!) quite stubborn.
Im afraid i have noticed smelly breath and he sometimes does smell slightly (not sure whether its him or his clothes)
Even disregarding the daily/monthly/yearly shower i am concerned about handwashing and i can't believe wouldn't have been encouraged in previous generations? My PIL are similar age and have no such aversions to soap or cleaning.
He has been eco conscious way before it was the big crisis it now is, and uses that an excuse why he doesnt wash his clothes/bedding more regularly or use cleaning products.

i am concerned about handwashing and i can't believe wouldn't have been encouraged in previous generations? I was brought up to wash hands after meals (no sticky banisters) but not before!

In theory he should be able to keep his teeth clean even without toothpaste. I don't expect you can get him to a dentist?

I've found the argument "you need to wear a clean jumper when we got out together else people will think you're past it and can't look after yourself" had some traction.

On the eco side - could you occasionally make some excuse like "I need to wash DS's football shirt for tomorrow but can't muster a full load - could I take some of your things to wash to make up the load?" (you don't of course have to wash his things with yours if they're too revolting.)