Old folks say some mean stuff! Wow!

[greeneyedlulu]

Mum's in hospital, has been for a week now and it's the dementia part of Parkinson's coming on..... I've been up every day since she's been in and have now jacked off work for 4 days this week to sit with her all day and so I can talk to the doctors when they come round during the day, talk to physio and Neuro teams etc.

Today I've been here from 10 til 5, got a panicked phone call from dad to say the hospital have rang him at 8, he can't understand the voicemail they left so I calm him down and call up the ward. Mum is being aggressive etc to the nurses so I say I'm on the way. I get here and she's ok for 5 minutes and then the aggression starts, pinching, trying to bite, hitting me, trying to twist my fingers. I've never seen her like this before so it's hard to see but what's worse is the things she was saying..... I'm a bitch, cow, liar, only after her money, never bothered with her before (Not true, we live 1 mile apart and I see her 3-4 times a week), my son loves her more than me, the list goes on.
I know it's just the illness etc but wow, can't help thinking that she really doesn't like me much!

nothing constructive to add, you know this isnt truly her feelings about you

Is she suffering delirium?

I'd not heard of it until my mil turned up here in a right state. Hospital stays can set it off.

I'd say delirium, too. Insist hospital check for uti. Delirium is very common and escalates fast. The staff will be used to that kind of behavior, so instead of you trying your best, ask them for help. Try reading up on delirium in elderlies, I hadn't heard of it until my ddad got it due to an infection.
Best wishes.

In broader terms - my blind DP was castigated last week (she's 40) because we dared to park in the last disabled spot at the supermarket. Bitch and Twat we're going at us for five minutes, including following us...

Oh sweetheart. This is dementia without a doubt. I cared for countless people with dementia and a lot of them become very aggressive, sadly.

It isn't because she doesn't like you. It's because she's afraid and doesn't understand what's happening, and if people touch you when you cannot understand why they're doing so, you regard it as an assault, and fight back.

I got regularly hit, kicked, spat on and yelled at.

But I found that the dementia associated with Parkinson's is the very worst for this. Google Dementia with Lewy Bodies for a fuller explanation.

It isn't you. Being in hospital has terrified her because nothing is familiar. People with dementia are always more aggressive outside their familiar environment. Your mother may well also have an infection (usually urinary) which is causing an escalation in her symptoms.

Please, if you haven't already done so, have a look at

www.contenteddementiatrust.org

and

www.alzheimers.org.uk (they cover all forms of dementia.)

She had a urine test for an infection last week and it was negative. I guess she could have one now, I'll ask again tomorrow.
I know she isn't herself but have you ever heard of the saying 'a drunken mind speaks a sober mind'? Does make me wonder! She went to snatch my necklace which was a gift from her years ago, I said don't break my necklace and she said 'why not? I paid for it!'....... And of course she did so she remembers that clearly enough and I can't help think she knows exactly who I am and she doesn't like me much!
I know, I know!! I shouldn't be thinking like that but I just can't help it, this stuff is coming from somewhere.

Thanks jemima, I'll read those in the morning.

@greeneyedlulu

Ask them to bleep the Specialist Dementia Nurse for the hospital to come and have a chat with you.

Make sure the hospital are fully aware that this is out of character for her. They will see a lot of elderly people for whom this has been their normal state for years. I found the hospital didn't believe the suddenness of my father's decline until I wrote it down for them, together with dates and descriptions of his activities in the weeks immediately preceding his "crash". Once I wrote it down, they suddenly found a whole lot of other tests that they wanted to do ...

Mum is home now and already got a bit more colour in her cheeks! I explained to the doctors every day that mum was showering and going to the toilet upstairs and back down again all by herself. I'm not sure if we will get back to that but there's carers helping now.

If she has dementia with Lewy Bodies, which is the one associated with Parkinson's, a lot of the aggressive behaviour occurs because this particular dementia causes visual hallucinations.

They can see children, animals and unwelcome visitors/burglars and it really is this specific.

If she has another episode of aggression, ask her what she can see that's upsetting her. It's usually the burglars, obviously. Children, they talk to. Animals, they try to get them to come to them.

But the burglars/robbers/whatever is a big trigger for the fear/aggression cycle.

Tell her you can see them too and that you'll stay with her until they go. Never tell her that they don't exist and she's imagining it because that will scare her more.

These visual hallucinations usually happen in the early evening.

Please look at this link

www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/types-dementia/dementia-with-lewy-bodies

I have heard that dementia can cause a change in behaviour, often more aggressive behaviour. The change in your Mum's behaviour must be her illness, otherwise she would have behaved like this when she was well. I'm sorry you are going through this.

Jemima, you're spot on with the hallucinations, she says she hears my son or her brothers outside here house or can hear them outside. Today she also said in response to asking her she didn't want any more soup, that my son was a twin and he was drowning in the sea and that I wasn't helping him. It's all so strange, I feel so sorry for her and for dad, their whole future gone because of this stupid fucking disease! It's heart breaking.