To have changed my mind

[Konmariconvert]

My 87 year old dear Aunt is currently laying in a hospital bed dying... very slowly!

We have been close all my life, we’ve always had a special bond and l love her dearly. She has always been fiercely independent since losing her husband 25 years ago and an incredibly proud woman.

Around a week ago she developed a chest infection, so l was going twice a day along with her son to check on her. On Thursday morning we found her Collapsed on the floor, an ambulance was called and she was taken to hospital. Sadly it was quickly established that she had suffered a catastrophic stroke which is going to end her life. She has been put on an end of life care plan.

Honestly l wish she had died last Thursday because this is just torture for everyone involved. I used to be so opposed to assisting death but going through this has changed my mind, it really has! I know she would have wanted to go quickly with her dignity intact.

.
You look back later at this time and wonder how you got through it but you just....do.
It’s a struggle.
Maybe keep this thread for support op.

I totally get where you are coming from. Your aunt sounds like an amazingly strong woman and I'm sure you are going to have lovely memories of happier times. Just be with her hold her hand and keep talking she will know you are there. In my opinion it is a privilege to be with a close relative when the end is near it is a closeness and understanding that mere words cannot describe.

I'm so sorry to read your post about your aunt.

I agree with @7yo7yo that you should feel that you can use this thread for whatever support you may need in the coming days or weeks.

With the medical staff putting your aunt on an end of life care plan, can I suggest to you that they are doing what they can at this very difficult time. Is your aunt aware of what is going on around her? Does she have communication capabilities following her stroke? Can she indicate that she doesn't want extreme measures being done to her to keep her alive? Has that been discussed? I'm sorry if those questions have caused you any distress at what can only be a difficult time for you and your family.

She is unresponsive! We are trying to ensure someone is with her 24/7 holding her hand and constantly talking to her but there are only a few of us so sadly there are times when she is alone.

I’m tormented that she will go on her own without anyone holding her hand and telling her everything will be okay.

You might want to move this into "elderly parents" where there's a lot of posters who will understand what you're going through.

Don't be tormented that she will go on her own - lots of people tell stories of how their loved one departed when they'd just popped out of the room for a minute - my mother did this. It's as if they hang on until they can go without a loved one having to watch.

As someone said above - keep talking - hearing is the last sense to go.

I’ve worked in these situations and seen many many people die.
Some people have waited till their loved ones have popped to the toilet or gone to the waiting room to collect others then died alone.
That part is out of your hands op.
Try and take comfort in that the time you are there, she knows she is loved.

Sorry, I worded that wrong.
Try and take comfort that she knows she is loved as when you are physically with her you are telling her.

“7” don’t worry, l understood what you were saying

yes it's awful isn't it

just to warn you, my dad was in the last stage of death - or what was meant to be - for ages, but he had cancer which is obviously very different.

don't worry if she goes alone - there's a lot of reports that patients wait for that moment of being alone.

I'm sorry you are all going through this. I agree, assisted dying would be much better.