Anyone here with a parent in their 90s? Can we compare notes

[WilhemminaWhite]

I'm getting more and more worried about my mum. She's coming up to 92. Lives on her own, really good friends and neighbours and I have a sibling who lives 10 mins away (I live 300 miles away.)

Mum copes well, does her own cooking, shopping (via a bus laid on to take her to supermarket), housework and garden (with help.)

She has a good social life with various clubs- goes out perhaps once a week and is collected by younger friends who drive.

But recently she has complained of always being tired. We've had all the checks at the GP and there is nothing 'wrong'.

My dad died a few months back and we thought that being his carer for 3 years had exhausted her. However, it's almost 9 months and she is still 'tired'. Her GP suggested it could be part of the grieving process.

I just don't know. Being so far away I worry for her, and do visit as often as possible. I've seen a big change in how far she can walk before she gets tired, for example- she's been a walker all her life- my dad and her used to go hiking well into their 70s.

She's the right weight- not carrying extra weight- eats well, reads, and is pretty on the ball, but recently I've started to think she may not have long to go, because she suddenly looks a lot older and her energy is low.

Just wondered if anyone else had seen this with older parents?

Could she be depressed following the bereavement? My mum, who is ninety, had a bad fall in 2017 which made resulted in her lacking energy, motivation and wanting just to doze in her chair. I managed to persuade the doctor to come to her and depression was the diagnosis made. Mum started antidepressants, the first type didn't suit her but the second lot made a massive difference. She was much more like her old self within a few weeks. It might be worth a try.

It’s really early days for your mum and caring for your df must have really taken a toll. Would she take vitamin supplements- vit c/d?
It’s a tough time of year too.
My dm has good days and bad days at 92.

Thank you.
I don't think she is depressed but she is very anxious about everything, and that alone must wear her out.
I did raise this with her today by phone. Unfortunately she is of the age when people 'just got on with it all' and she wouldn't admit she needed help for anything psychological.
She's taking Vit D on my advice and has been for a good few months.
Her diet is healthy but she just seems more frail all of a sudden.

My Granny is in her 90s and has become more frail with each year. My mum lives nearby and she goes in to visit every day now, she feels GM needs more company and support now.

92 is a good age. DF is 96 and is noticeably declining - each year it is clear he is less capable that he was a year ago. At 92 he sounded much like your Mum, he's now a good deal more frail, walking with a zimmer frame, taking him out anywhere takes a huge amount of planning. And one thing that has been very noticeable is that he is sleeping a lot more during the day.

You could check how much sleep your Mum is actually getting at night. I had to point out to my Dad that if he was working on the computer till 3am and setting his alarm at 8am, then of course he was going to be sleepy during the day.

I was going to suggest Vit D but I see she is already taking that. Would she agree to more blood tests to see if she is anaemic?

My FIL is 91 and MIL died 18 mths ago. He is physically healthy but has a mobility issue which means he cannot get out his house on his own. DH and i are the closest relatives and we are 100 miles away. He has fallen a few times and ended up in hospital and it is a massive effort for us to get to him and sort things out.

He is definitely more tired now going from a fit, active man to someone who sits in a chair all day and naps in the afternoon. He also wasn't eating properly as the effort in making food was too much. He now has a hot lunch delivered each day and pays a woman to do his shopping ad some cleaning.

He has decided he no longer wants to stay at home. We are looking to move him nearer to us and he has said his preference would to be in a care home as he wants some social aspect.

I have no answers for you OP but it is all very difficult. It is like they become the child and you are now the parent. I know FIL just wants people to sort things out for him. He has full mental capacity but i think he is just weary of a lifetime of being a grown up and wants someone to care for him.