DM unfailingly horrible about me, my DH, my DC, DH's parents etc

[OlderThanAverageforMN]

She just has nothing good to say about anyone but herself.

Her assessment of herself. She is marvellous, everyone loves her. She was a fantastic mother, and grandmother, she was a fabulous carer to her DH. She is beautiful, healthy, and amazing for her age. She is basically perfect in all things.

My assessment. She is mean and thoughtless. She is critical of her grandchildren, her daughters in law, her son in law. She thinks everyone is beneath her, but holds herself up as a paragon of understanding and virtue. She had her DH put in a home when she had enough of him, she was so horrible to him in his last year at home, none of us visited often, as we just couldn't bear to see or hear it. She is pretty good for her age, 90 years, but not as good as she thinks she is!

I just don't like her anymore.

Oh, and she is on her fifth carer this year, they all think she is wonderful to start with, and then after a couple of months, they all leave in tears as she has been so horrible to them.

She drives me mad. I can't go round and not have an argument with her. She is damaging my mental state. My DH has gone NC with her because of her treatment of me, and the things she has done and said. And now of course, she is horrible about him too......

One of my brothers has also gone NC with her, the other two soldier on and so do I, I just don't know how to stop her making me feel so shit.

Has she always been like this, or is this an age-related or dementia-related thing?

My father is like this, he does have some dementia but is relentlessly horrible to most people

Frenchchick9 Good point. No, she does not have dementia as an excuse, but yes, she has always been, shall we say, quite self absorbed. So, I suppose, in her case, as she has got older, all the worst parts of her personality have become more pronounced.

Congratulations you have a narcissist on your hands. All the family went NC years ago. I soldiered on until she started trying to manipulate my chilren especially the four year old.

www.daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com/

I hope your DH is keeping your DCs away from her too. So they don't go through the same negative cycle.

My mum is like this, not so much now though as when we tell her we will go no contact, we mean it. 5 years of it previously. If she ever starts her nonsense again I will double it.

I have a partner and children to think about and they come first no matter what. She can't and won't be my priority.

Hope you get through this OP. She will never be the mother you want her to be, and you will blight your one life, and that of your own little family, by thinking the ugly situation now will change. I had to face that. I wish it was different. But it's not

Sounds like my grandmother. She had been nasty and manipulative her whole life. Nothing to do with age. Put up with it for years. Then she wrote me a spiteful letter one to many times. So I wrote back saying anytime she wanted to apologise I would listen. Knew she would never apologise. Problem solved!