Can I just have a rant about my mum please.

[JaninePeel]

I feel guilty for posting this and have namechanged.

I've begun to hate talking to my mum by phone. She is old, but 'all there' mentally. Lives 5 hrs drive from me, so what with work and my own family I don't see her that much, but we do talk by phone several times a week, I manage a lot of the admin and her finances online for her, online shopping etc. That's the background.

The thing is that she talks non-stop on the phone in huge detail about things that are trivial or about people I have never met.

It's hard to explain but she relates every emotion, her thoughts, who was there, what they said, like a play script when ever she is telling me about something.

It's a 'she said this, I said that, I thought this, she said that...' in the most minute details about nothing. She will relate every word of a conversation she's had with a nurse, or the hairdresser, or tell me about the hairdresser's family circs or whatever in huge detail. It's just bizarre and getting worse.

She's NOT lonely- she has loads of friends and spends a lot of her day on the phone - they call her, she calls them.....and I hear her talking to them in the same way.

I've begun to get really short with her sometimes and say 'where is this story going', or'I'm in a rush can you just jump to the point'.

I've got 2 friends with mums who do the same and it's driving us mad. I can only describe it like someone reliving an incident in a second by second way, and telling you it all. It's exhausting.

I'm sorry if this sounds awful but I do really try to help her and keep in touch but her behaviour is driving me insane.

My Mum also does this! She includes loads of irrelevant detail and is really pedantic about trivial stuff eg "last Monday, oh no it was Tuesday - errm no it was Monday" Drives me crackers too OP!

sounds very wearing. My dm is a bit like this. I limit the time I spend on the phone to her, or try to change the subject. There is only so much of it my MH can stand.

My granny used to do this and drive my mum nuts and now she does the same to me

My granny used to do this and drive my mum nuts and now she does the same to me

Same here. We don't speak often but she wants to tell me all about the really boring things in her life. I really don't care that they are moving the curtains from X room to Y room etc. I barely do small talk when I'm face to face with people, it's even worse on the phone!

Can you not just stick her on speaker and crack on with chores while shes worn herself out?

I have a family member who will ring daily but just sits in silence for most of the phone call. Would you like to swap?

I’d put her on handsfree headphones and put your phone in your back pocket then get on with dusting, tidying, cooking.

Oh goodness ! Commiserations.

I think you get what I mean. for example if I phone to ask her how she got on at the dentists, she will tell me what she was thinking as she went in, how many people were waiting, how she was worried they were running late and she'd never be seen for ages, then it turns out she was seen as quick as a flash, the dental nurse said this to her, (oh and by the way have I told you about her son who is now getting divorced from his 2nd wife.....) and I said that to her, and she said this to me, and all the time I was thinking......

then (this is me now not my mum) maybe 10 minutes later when she stops for breath I can manage to get in 'Well, do you need any treatment?' . And of course it's 'No all fine, but when I walked out of the room the other receptionist said this to me, and I was just thinking about that, then the other nurse said blah blah blah....'

It really is as if she is reading a play script and playing all the characters, speaking their dialogue and recalling every single detail of a totally boring and insignificant event.

I don't know what to do because I find myself getting so irritated, and grumpy with her that I just want to get off the phone.

Help!

x posts.

I have started holding the phone away from my ear and just waiting till she stops talking.

@gamerchick Yes please!!!!

My granny used to do this and drive my mum nuts and now she does the same to me
Same here.
I could have written your post, except I think my mum is sometimes lonely. She is however totally awesome, and has always been the best mum. I try to manage it by calling her on my way to and from work (so she gets 30 minutes twice a day 3 days a week) and then usually a few texts or maybe a short call on the other days (but sometimes nothing depending on how busy I am). It means I can listen to her ramblings in otherwise dead time. If I had to listen to it and it was using up useful time I might be much less tolerant.

Yes. Yes yes. I put headphones in and get on with my day.
The art of conversation it ain’t. But hey ho. I’ve learned to work with it.

My mum is the same. I know intimate details of stranger's lives. I'm also wary of what I tell her because she'll tell every detail of my life to anyone who will listen. I have a life threatening condition which has lead to me being on life support. People I barely know ask how I'm doing and know everything because DM has told them.

Can you set a time limit at the outset? Something you need to do/somewhere you need to go? Even ring your own doorbell?

My mum does similar:

'Have you watched X tv programme?'

'No, we don't like that show / not our thing'

Mum then gives a real time breakdown of the show.

I also know the inside out of her friend's personal life even though I've never met the woman and wouldn't know her if she stood up in my soup and sang the national anthem.

Sounds like my mil! I’m a nurse and she loves to tell me negative stories related to her friends and her own experiences of the nhs! I just want to shout ‘stop spending money on cruises then and get private health care instead’!

My mum does this since becoming post menopausal.

She also repeats stories she's told me, about people who I have never met and wouldn't know from a bar of soap.

It's sounds terrible but I don't answer the phone to her unless I have at least an hour to spare. We communicate mostly by text.

She is only in her 50s though, perfectly fit and well, reasonably local (same small city), works full time and has more friends than me so I don't feel too guilty!

My mum does this too. I think it's partly because their world just shrinks and they genuinely don't have 'grown up' things to think/care about any more. No mortgage, no work, no investment in politics or current affairs or education etc. It's all about local gossip, the birds that visit their feeder, and the latest doctors appointment!

My neighbour does exactly this!

She also talks about characters from soaps, as if they are real and she/I know them!!

It might happen to us all one day!

I know exactly what you're describing...my mum is the same. Today she made appointment with doctor but rang me and described in minute detail the conversation ' I picked up the phone and I said Hello, this is xx, I wonder if you have free appointment today....no .....cant make 3......... and she went on and on about conversation with the receptionist..', I finally had to interrupt her to say how she got on and she replies 'oh I'm fine.'....after all that. I felt like hanging up and it's always the same. She also goes into minute detail about what she ate....it us really wearing.

Yep, my mum likes to update me on her ironing pile or how the latest photo album she is filling up is coming along. Not in a ‘oh I found a pic of this trip, do you remember?’ type of way, but rather whether she has used 6x4 photos or 7x5 etc.

I try to ask her her plans for the week and then ask her about them next time and tell her the same about us so there is a bit of real content to our phone calls. Then once I’ve done that I don’t feel bad if I need to cut her short!

My mum does this with added
‘I saw soandso today, you know soandso’
‘No mum I don’t’
‘Well they are related to thingy’
I don’t know any of these people, I’m not interested in their daughter or her life either. I’m then mean because I just don’t want to hear about random people’s lives. We live together and it drives me nuts.
She’ll also talk about Random distant relatives as if I know them, most of them are older than me and I have no desire to know about their lives either, if my mums thrid cousins granddaughter wants to be my friend then she can make the first move.
Mum will also say things like my thrid cousins daughters niece is visiting ‘our town’ so if a woman knocks on the door let her in!!!

Drive my DH mad

Thank God I am not alone.

But :( for all of us!
@Val4

Yes today that happened to me. I called to ask how she'd got on with some treatment at the drs and really all she had to say was it went fine.

I got the angst about the waiting room being full......in lots of detail and how she feared she'd never be seen (but hurrah she was!), then the next stage of it all and the convos with the nurses ( 2 nurses...)

so most of the convo was about what she THOUGHT might happen when she arrived- and none of it did.

It used to drive my poor dad nuts- he died last year- and for most of their marriage they lived in separate parts of the house. He would moan to me that all she had to talk about ever was Ada's net curtains and he had no interest in them at all.

Likewise I know all about the neighbour's health issues, her friend's grandchildren (no- can't be pregnant despite throwing up when with her gran, is on the Pill)

and so it goes on...

Like some of you say I tell her very little about my life, as I'd imagine it would soon be all over the county or on local news.

Yup, my mum too. Something along the lines of this...

DM: I was in Tesco just walking past the salad... no, it was the fruit I think, not the tinned fruit, I mean the fresh fruit, you know those fruit - oh what are they called now? You know, the ones that are... erm green..."

Me: Kiwi?

DM: No, not kiwi fruit, come on Molly, you know...

Me: Apples? Mangoes?

DM: What do mangoes look like? I thought they were orange?

Me: Well anyway, what actually happened in Tesco, Mum?

DM: Oh yes, well I bumped into Barbara and you never guess what, she's got four now!

Me: Barbara? Four? Who is Barbara? And four what?

DM: Grandchildren! Now, what are their names... hmm... I think one is called Daisy. No, that can't be right. It's a silly made up name... Maisy...? Susan...?No, that's not right. I think is Oliver actually.

Me: Mum, that's perfectly lovely, but you know I've never even heard of Barbara.

DM: And Maisy has started school now, and you'll never guess how much her new uniform cost...

I rang my nan every day, and she'd do the same. But I don't regret it. My mum couldn't cope with it, but I just wanted to give her an ear that was family. She died a few days ago. My heart is breaking.

I'm sorry if this sounds preachy - it's not meant to! My Mum was exactly the same and I used to get incredibly irritated. She died just over a year ago, and the way I feel now, I'd give anything to hear her voice again. Don't feel guilty, it's just human nature, but you do miss their idiosyncrasies, and I wish I'd been more tolerant of hers.