I shall try to be brief-ish.
My nan lives in Ireland, she is in her 80s, quite ill but stable and lives in a lovely nursing home.
5 years ago, my grandad died, prompting my mum (in her 50s) to leave her husband and dogs at home and go and look after nan. This was supposed to be temporary, but she's still there, husband and dogs have now moved over with her, she looked after my nan for 3 years at home and now lives in her house, visiting her regularly and looking after her in terms of bringing her clothes and taking her out to my grandad's grave etc.
The thing is, my mum is giving up her whole life for this, she is nearly 60 now, her husband over 70, they can barely afford to live in Ireland (they were in a much cheaper European country before)
my mum's husband wants to move back to England, to be near family and to "retire" in peace... but my mum can't face the guilt of leaving my nan. My mum has two brothers who barely visit. She was on the phone to me crying that she feels trapped the other night. I just want to encourage her to maybe set things up there to support my nan and carry on with the rest of her life.
I guess what I'm looking for is positive stories or ideas about caring from a distance. If she was away she could still visit regularly, the flights to Ireland being cheap, but she wouldn't be stuck in a country that isn't her home anymore, her whole life revolving around caring for her mum. I know I sound a bit mean, but I really feel like she's done her time and if she stays it gives her brothers the excuse to carry on not doing anything as she's there. Any ideas on how to ease her guilt/and or help her to rebuild her own life?