Xmas present for MIL with dementia

[igglu]

MIL has Alzheimer's. She's currently in hospital but will be moved to a care home on Xmas eve.

She has no idea what's going on really and has deteriorated quite rapidly over the last few months so we're all reeling a bit.

Normally we get her and FIL vouchers for a local pub that does lovely food and they'll go a few times over the course of the year. That's not going to be suitable this year but we have no idea what we can get her

I was thinking about a lovely soft blanket but I'm worried that we'd be treating her like an "old woman" with that sort of present, which would upset her as she's always been very sprightly and quite youthful for her age. On the other hand I don't know if I'm overthinking it.

Does anyone have any suggestions? TIA

Cashmere socks?

I would elaborate but soft and warm and not necessarily old person gift

What about a hamper of nice food?

Music or something to play music on.

Can you get her some nice things for her room at the care home? Chocolate too perhaps? Most of the people I know with dementia have quite a sweet tooth and will enjoy a box of chocolates.

www.unforgettable.org
Don’t worry about treating her like an old lady. If her Alzheimer’s is advanced enough to need a carehome I doubt she will note this

bed jacket if she doesn't get up much
cardigan & slippers (full ones with Velcro so they are safer
redo some old photos of her & husband when young & place in album (ditto picture of her children when young)
scented flowers/ plant (be careful that container is non breakable)
we bought dm small handbag & purse (bright colours) with hankies because she was always looking for her bag to carry with change (pennies & five ps) & label everything, smelly soap, good quality hand cream (likely to have dry skin)

I would second a portable CD player and some music. It was something that really helped my dad when he first went into care (dementia sufferer too)

These are a selection of items we bought Dad over the 3 years he was in a care home, he died in Oct from advanced Alzheimer’s after ten years.

A tv with built in dvd if the home doesn’t have them in rooms
Favourite dvds
Photo frames for multiple photos
Cushions / throw (seats don’t tend to be the comfiest in homes)
Dressing gown / nightwear / slippers
If she has specific interests, a book, which contains lots of photos (e.g. dad loved walking, so I once got him a photographic book of the mountains. I used to sit with him and turn the pages so he could look at the pictures).
Comfortable easy clothing - tactile helps, cosy cardigans etc.
Nice toiletries and a wash bag

Thanks everyone, these are all brilliant ideas. We've been totally unprepared for her Alzheimer's to advance so quickly so just couldn't work out what was best.

I think the bed jacket is a great idea. She had a long thin dressing gown that's gone missing while she's been in hospital so she does need something to replace that. I also think the cashmere socks and chocolate would be good. Quite like the idea of them myself

Oh gosh yes, how could I forget the CD player?!! Agree with pps, even towards the end when Dad wouldn’t focus on the tv, the music that meant so much to him would still bring a smile / tear to his face

You can buy these sort of little comfort blanket sized blankets aimed at people with dementia as they have lots of different fabrics and feelings as people with dementia often want something in their hands to keep their hands busy and like different textures and feelings.

I’ve give two people with dementia in the past teddy bears. Maybe not what you think mil would like pre dementia but the people I gave the nausea too loved having tsomething soft to stroke in their laps. The one I gave my great aunt she adored so much they ended up burying with her when she died. Also I was recommended to buy a baby book with touchy feely bits in the book.

I think you should choose something to meet the needs of the fact that she has dementia rather than worrying about it being something too old ladyish.

People I gave the nausea to? Where did that come from! I’m suffering a lot with ms so it must be ruining my mind! I mean people I gave the teddy to

Digital photo frame with lovely rotation of family photos x

My mum has severe dementia, and I have bought her a purring kitten toy from Unforgettable.

FWIW, presents became a lot easier when I stopped thinking of her as my mum as she was, and as the person she is now. Which was massively hard tbh, but seeing her happy with a toddler 'press the button for music' book is worth it as opposed to the nice heated throw I got her the year before that which she just didn't understand so wouldn't use

I agree with Reastie about getting a soft toy. My FIL was given a toy tiger and he quite liked stroking it and I think it was a bit of a comfort for him.

FIL also liked picture books about the "old days" like books about 1950s/1960s adverts or films. He also liked music with songs from the same era, because it was something he could still recognise. This was before he got really bad so it may no longer be suitable for your MIL.

Some more excellent ideas, thanks everyone

The unforgettable website has some things on there that I think we'll get her anyway as they'll be so useful.

She has a teddy bear, a lovely relative who has dealt with people with dementia gave it to her and she loves it. Thinks it's one of my babies though - they're 10 and 13 now

It's such a simple thing though, it really settles her and makes her think of a time when she was happy, but it's not something we'd ever have thought of.

Lovely scented hand cream, my MIL has advanced dementia and the carers give her hand massages, which she seems to enjoy.

I bought my mum a purring dog. It’s horrible. Cardboard, stiff feel and I was so worried about her reaction to it in case she had enough cognitive function to be insulted. She loves it.

Lovely small wool rug (if care home washes wool separately) or super soft acrylic one if they don’t.
Canvas print) (s) eg 40 cm x 40 cm of favourite family photo/ holiday/ pet
Deluxe 3” Mattress topper if appropriate
Washable Skechers trainers/ slippers
Manicure set
Pretty special Biscuit / cake tin to store the goodies you bring
Vase fir fresh flowers

My mum has dementia. She sits around a lot these days as mobility is poor. I always buy her new trousers. The type you get in next baggy leggings that look like smart trousers but feel like a tracksuit. My mum is uncomfortable in anything with a tight waistband these days. She's always thrilled with them and despite being quite a conservative dresser all of my life was positively delighted with the leopard skin pair i bought her last year. Soft unseamed jumpers also good.
Also perfume, hand creams stuff like that. Carers do her nails for her so nail varnish too.

. Mini fridge for her room to keep fruit and chocolate in.

When my grandma got dementia and was in a care home she absolutely
Loved the toy dog we bought her. The sort that moves when you pet it. It made her laugh and gave her companionship when we weren't there. Not sure at what stage yours is at but I will always remember her laughing at this little battery operated cuddly dog.

DF had a stroke and has permanent brain damage
Recently his 93rd birthday and between that and Xmas gifts we have bought include
Bulb arrangement
Photo in frame of DM
Photo book of rest of family and places that mean something to him
Soft lightweight blanket
New slippers
Tear off page a day calendar appropriate to his interests that who ever is visiting that day can show n talk to him about
Easy use DAB radio
Easy use portable CD/DVD player so DM (with dementia) can watch films n play music when she visits
Toddler range of books from British museum which I discovered by accident and aid our SALT sessions without feeling too babyish
DF is only just learning to swallow so will take in a luxury choc mousse with alcohol to cheer his Xmas day lunch

I'm getting my Mum some silk flowers in a plastic vase that I've bought. She loves having flowers but gets sad when the petals start to drop so now she'll have lovely tulips all year round!