Loss of reason and judgement - normal

[Mascarponeandwine]

My parent is 76 and lives on his own. Over the past year I’ve noticed a decline in his memory and reasoning.

For example, if something really bad happened to someone, he would fixate on a minor detail that is completely unimportant.

Trying to give an example that’s not outing - so if I fell and injured myself and was taken to hospital but lost my coat in the process, he would keep mentioning the coat and how it was unique / special, and how someone would probably see it on the street and not notice and it would end up in the gutter. He’d be asking my children to go back to the street and walk up and down and look for it. And insinuate he was disappointed that it was missing. The actual priority problem of me being injured and in the hospital wouldn’t enter his consciousness, it would be a non issue and glossed over or not even mentioned.

There will also be times I will text him and tell him to put so-and-so on his calendar. He never manages to follow through, despite being a proficient texter. But he religiously buys a calendar and puts birthdays of people that haven’t been in his life for decades on it.

He also talks a lot about people I don’t know and I get the minutae of their lives. He gets almost frantic when I say I don’t know who they are - “you know her, the woman with dark hair, you know, goodness can’t believe you don’t know”.

Is this to be expected for 76 nearly 77 ? Or is a gp appointment required?

He also talks a lot about people I don’t know and I get the minutae of their lives. He gets almost frantic when I say I don’t know who they are - “you know her, the woman with dark hair, you know, goodness can’t believe you don’t know”. That's fairly normal for someone living on their own. He'll have plenty of chance to listen to radio or TV but not much chance to talk, so he'll make the most of it when he does and, of course, talk about things in his life.

Have a look at the Addenbrookes Cognitive Examination which is a screening test for dementia used by doctors, and see how you think he'd cope.

This gives a check list of Alzheimers signs compared with normal age-related memory loss
www.alz.org/alzheimers-dementia/10_signs

I think my mum is starting down this this route. She either misses the point completely or seems to ignore my conversation and talk about whatever is on her mind at the time. Completely frustrating but very worrying. She is 71.

@redfairy sorry to read that, how is her hearing? We have only just discovered how deaf an elderly relative is, after years of wondering why she so often got things wrong, after smiling, nodding and saying yes, good idea. Infact, she had no idea but hat admitting she couldn't hear.

I think he’d do ok on the addenbrookes test. Not sure I would, my gen knowledge is shockingly bad. Maybe it’s just an age thing then.

Normal I'd say. My parents are mid 80s but still very fit and active. They are both retired professionals with distinguished careers. Their current favourite topic of conversation is what's happening in Coronation Street and they bicker about it when recounting the goings-on. They are going on a very expensive amazing holiday soon but instead of being excited they are obsessing about minutiae.

It’s a shift in our relationship, and it’s quite hard isn’t it. The importance and well being of inanimate objects placed so much higher than the welfare of nearest and dearest.

There are other interpretations. Harm to you is too dreadful to contemplate, so they focus on things they may be better able to do something else. Harm to you is difficult for them to comprehend so they focus on something they can.

It's not personal, he's losing capacity. It's not that he doesn't care, it's just that he's losing the thouht processes that allow him to show he cares, or tell him that there's something he needs to care about. Part of "teflon shoulders" is learning that apparent selfish or uncaring behaviour isn't deliberate and needn't be judged.

You've reached the stage where your relationship has come full circle - instead of him caring for you, you care for him. It's a sad time, when you're trying to come to terms with that.