Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Elderly parents
Original poster

Oh dear, it just goes on...

20 replies

MereDintofPandiculation · 07/12/2018 22:37

The story so far: DF suffered a sudden decline in mobility and cognitive function last week. Community OT sent him into hospital because she thought he was not safe to be left in his home. Everyone seemed to be settled that he'd go into a "CIC bed" for rehab before returning home, giving us time to sort out various things like stair lifts.

Except today I was rung by the discharge nurse who said that DF wasn't going to a CIC bed, he was coming straight home for a reablement package with 4 visits a day.

It seems DF's consultant said he was OK to go home, rather than OK to be discharged, and DF has taken this to mean he actually is OK to go home and manage stairs and to get around and so on, and of course that's what he wants to do. I think they're going to feel he's OK parked in one room with a commode.

Conversation didn't go well, discharge nurse was being patronising, and I was driven to say "please don't call me "dear"". He then asked what he should call me and I said "Ms Dint" and things got a bit better after that. Especially when I remembered my MN training and mentioned the risk of early readmission. Thank you for that! It has at least meant they're going to keep him in till Monday and have a reassessment.

OP posts:
notaflyingmonkey · 07/12/2018 22:58

It's so bloody hard, isn't it. You don't want the parent to be a bed blocker, but you know them well enough to know they can't go home.

Has he passed the OT stairs assessment?

I told the hospital that I would walk out and leave them to it if they insisted on discharging DM after her stroke. They invited me to the multidisciplinary meeting and clearly thought they could outnumber and outmanouvre me. Little did they realise I was armed with an A5 notebook, and would stop and say 'let me just write that down - you are prepared to risk her falling soon after discharge'.

Never underestimate the power of a middle aged woman and her notebook!

Have a gin dear Gin

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 08/12/2018 07:22

They say he's managed 9 stairs. If so, it's a considerable improvement on his state at admission.

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 08/12/2018 08:16

I found with my dm that a sudden drop in ability stemmed everytime from a kidney infection. We would panic thinking this is it and start frantically looking at Nursing homes but she would rally. So hopefully his set back may not be permanent.
That is not to say that he can come home now . You are completely right to be assertive and insist he be ready. It takes a whole new level of assertiveness fighting each step for an elderly parent.

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 08/12/2018 09:20

Yeah, they've checked kidneys and not found anything. Mentally, he has recovered to what passes for normal for him, but it's mobility I'm worried about, and his pig-headedness. So just have to go with the flow.

OP posts:
thesandwich · 08/12/2018 09:26

Dint, sorry to hear this- so hard when you have got to fight. Get that notebook out and keep on their case. 🌺🌺🌺

PoshPenny · 08/12/2018 10:11

Well done Dint, I'm going through this with my DM, last Friday they turned her down for bed based reablement after 4 weeks and claimed they would be discharging her home with 24hrs notice to her house (stairs!!) and no visit home beforehand to check it out. I pushed back very very hard and refused to discuss the home discharge until they explained how DM had suddenly failed the eligibility criteria (and what were they by the way) and banged on about unsafe discharge (broken leg, dementia, loss of capacity, falls in hospital until put on a supervised ward). Oh and that they were writing her off and didn't care as she was 87 and demented. The OT was unable to defend the indefensible of course. Her social worker was useless and a liar who didn't help and didn't advise what he should have) so no use at all. I expected them to get someone a bit more argumentative to take me in after the weekend, but to my great delight I got an email instead on Monday morning saying she'd be getting the bed based re enablement instead Smile I was very pleased. Now she's there, I'm even more happy, I feel they're going to do their best to get her up and walking again.

Keep pushing back!

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 08/12/2018 15:41

They're saying, quite rightly, that if he wants to go home and has capacity, then they must follow his views rather than mine. On the other hand I'm damned sure that if I chose to leave hospital against medical advice they'd warn me that they were no longer responsible. So there must be a grey area. So maybe it's a fight on two fronts - to convince hospital that premature discharge home is a non starter, as well as convincing Dad he'd be better putting up with being away for a bit longer.

OP posts:
LadyLapsang · 08/12/2018 23:04

Have you managed to contact companies regarding installing the stair lift?

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 09/12/2018 08:01

Located some companies in the area, but there's just so many things to be tackling all at once. And we've secured his permission to get a stairlift. At the moment having no stair lift is a useful argument as to why he can't come home.

Going to spend today at the house cleaning and tidying in case he gets sent home tomorrow (which I'm doing without his permission so will just have to face the flak). Would like to get rid of his cooker (which he doesn't use) and move the fridge into its place to make room for some storage in the kitchen, but we need to persuade him. And all sorts of other things I won't go into. He's been doing DIY at a snail's pace ever since he moved in (to the detriment of the house, but it keeps him occupied and happy), and he won't let anyone else do a job without micromanaging, so things that could have been done years ago are still awaiting his go-ahead.

OP posts:
LadyLapsang · 09/12/2018 12:18

Based on my personal experience, not having a stair lift would not be classed as a reason not to discharge. As you say, they would bring a commode and the carers would empty it. Of course, that is not a pleasant way to live, hence we got a stair lift straight away, although DM died before she could use it. DF did use it later though.

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 09/12/2018 18:17

LadyLapsang the biggest hurdle at the moment is that he's saying he wants to come home, and not having a stairlift in his current state of mobility might be enough to change his mind. Being marooned in his front room with his computer and all his papers upstairs isn't what I think he has in mind.

OP posts:
Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 10/12/2018 21:05

Update: he isn't getting a CIC bed for rehab. Three criteria they have - if they need help with getting between sitting and standing position, if they can't manage stairs, if they need a person to help them walk. He fails on all three (ie he can manage all of them).

Instead, a rehab package at home with up to 4 visits a day for up to 10 weeks. Coming home in the next few days.

We could have bought time by getting a hospital OT (rather than community OT) to vet his house before discharge, but that would give only another week, and with 6 hour round trips to hospital almost daily that's not as good as it sounds. Besides, it's probably better to get the routine established before Christmas.

I have to admit he has regained a lot of the mobility he lost before the hospital admission. I don't know why. Lots of people to talk to? Eating properly?

OP posts:
Grace212 · 10/12/2018 21:11

It might be because he's been resting. Any chance he had a virus or anything when he was admitted?

Are they thinking he can manage his home stairs now?

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 10/12/2018 21:52

They didn't find any sign of infection. Possibly he had something and it was well on the way to clearing when he was admitted.

Yes, he's managed a flight of 9 stairs twice. So he should be able to manage his home stairs, and won't be confined to one room with a commode.

OP posts:
Grace212 · 10/12/2018 22:08

That all sounds positive, Dint.

Singlenotsingle · 10/12/2018 22:20

My DSF lived in an annex on the side of our house, but had to have a leg amputated due to diabetic related problems. He was 90. Really the hospital didn't have an argument when we said he couldn't come home, as the wheelchair wouldn't fit through the front door, or into the bedroom or into his bathroom. Sadly, he died shortly afterwards anyway.

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 11/12/2018 12:47

Spoken to the discharge team this morning, and they threatened to discharge tomorrow, but backed off till Friday when we said we weren't available Weds or Thurs. Have now spoken to the nurse, and she says discharge are arranging a CIC bed for him, and he's not ready for discharge. I don't know whether we're even talking about the same person! I give up.

OP posts:
Grace212 · 11/12/2018 14:01

Dint, have you checked they're talking about the same person? I remember one poster saying a parent's notes had been confused with someone else's.

Sorry you are having a mare Flowers

Original poster
MereDintofPandiculation · 11/12/2018 17:56

Yes, I had that at another clinic. It was obvious what I was telling the doctor didn't match what he was expecting to hear from what he'd read in the notes, and he had to go toddling off and find the right notes. And then people grumble and say "get rid of all the admin staff and hire more nurses".

All academic. He's been moved to their rehabilitation unit for patients who are medically fit but require further rehab to go home. Interesting that they threatened us that if we couldn't accept immediate discharge, then he'd go on to a discharge ward where he wouldn't have access to physio and would just be left to his own devices. But suddenly they can find a place in their rehab unit.

OP posts:
thesandwich · 11/12/2018 18:14

Oh dint - I hope he carries on making progress s and gets some rehab input.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page