Settling into care

[user1494670108]

When settling a parent into care is it best to visit daily or leave them a bit to settle?
Ddad has dementia but definitely "with it" enough to know he doesn't want to be in care.
I suspect that we won't know whether to visit a lot or less until he's there but I'd appreciate your experiences as I'm nervous for him.

You might want to get an idea how much traffic there is in the care home. I've known a few where you just never meet anyone else visiting. So if you visit a lot, you might get a reputation for interfering or something. Not a justified one, just that's how it is.

If so, you've no real way of knowing what the place is like though if your Dad can talk and give feedback, that helps.
You should visit a few times in the first week, also get nice name tags in most important bits of clothing eg pants and vests asap and don't take any valuables or woollen clothes (place will be hot) or nice counterpains that get nicked on arrival.

We were told to leave it a few days before visiting- you can always call.
Hope it goes well.

Have had to settle DM into five places - a MHU, a secure community hospital unit and three care homes. Only the first place said 'leave it 48 hrs' but immediately then said 'but you can absolutely come back tomorrow if you want'.
If your parent is distressed then the 48 hrs idea is a good one.
My advice would be to slip in regularly for solo visits for 30 minutes. If you pop in as a group he will expect to leave with you.
Normally the family is given a form to fill in which might be entitled 'All about Me' - different places have different ones. Take time to fill it out fully and give long answers as it will stay in his care plan folder and staff can refer to it. If you can take a photo copy and keep it in your home file. My DSis and I have bought a cheerful cork board/whiteboard and white board pens which has been hung up on the wall. We leave little messages and feedback for the care team like: 'Away on business, back Weds' or 'Mum ate five chocolate biscuits so may not eat dinner' and they reciprocate with ' Needs shower gel'. On the pin board part we have left a one page sheet of bullet points which tells a little more about her likes and dislikes... Always wears two layers of clothes even if it is 80* outside Crosses her legs when she is cold... that type of stuff.
Also pin up small photos of the family on the cork board with your names and relationship and you'll find that a big help. The care staff will then say: FortySix says you ate 5 chocolate biscuits' and your other daughter says she's away on business. Or you can write down: Hi dad, we're back tomorrow so put your feet up and we'll see you then'. These act as little reassurances and the staff will point to them

Also try to 'set things up' for him so he establishes relationships quickly with his caring team...

It's all about giving the staff 'clues' as to what they can talk to him about when you are not there or when they are doing his personal care. Every week list a few different topics on the whiteboard...
"Dad likes to chat about motor bikes, loved to go hill walking or has owned a dog all his adult life." The staff members will pick up on this especially if you keep your white board light hearted and fun. Even write down a few specifics for the night staff like .. Dad often has tea and toast if he can't sleep.. Dad hates his dressing gown that's why it looks so new!

If he is into sport ask the care team that he gets to watch or listen in his bedroom to the cricket or football. Maybe try him with over the ear headphones. You can write the days and times on the white board and I'm sure the staff will do their best to accommodate depending on his attention span. Then next time you visit bring the dates and times for the week ahead.
It works both ways...
At DM's latest place the care team invited the wife of a newly joined resident to come have dinner with him for the first three or four nights. They say together at a table away from the others. The team recognised that it was the first time that the couple had lived separately and were supporting her, too.