Massive stroke

[Lepetitpiggy]

My 89 year old mum had a massive stroke on Monday and wasn't found until Tuesday morning (cue the guilt, I called her several times but she didn't answer - I just assumed she'd done what she does a lot and put the phone somewhere else)Initially we were told it was very very bleak and no chance but since then she's rallied remarkably and is talking (slurring) in a reasonably coherent way and being tube fed only - no other interventions it seems.

I keep asking questions but the medical team just talk about 'no real change' and 'ongoing physio' and 'still potential pneumonia' and I feel really lost :(

I just want to talk to someone who knows what it feels like. My wonderful eldest dd is with me most of the time visiting and dh is brilliant but its just me really.
Has anyone been through this?

My MIL had a massive stroke Feb 2014. FIL was out for the day and found her in the evening, she couldn't have the clot buster drugs because there is only a short window they can give them in. Like you we were told the outlook was bleak and we were told to prepare for the worst as where the clot was there was a 95%+ chance she would die in a few days and survival was likely not a good outcome given the expected level of disability. She did survive and did better than expected. She is paralysed on one side, has the confidence level of a just potty trained toddler and cannot speak or read. After 2 years in a nursing home she went back home with FIL but she cannot be left at all.
Every stroke journey is individual. You just have to take one day at a time for a long time. Remember to look after yourself.

Thank you. Its been hard today as we've been told she will probably not improve anymore and we need to maybe think palliative care. Its just horrible, but I cant see her ever wanting to live like this - dependant and immobile

We were told the same. It was a very, very long job. Probably 4 months before we were sure she recognised who we were a 6 months before she was awake for longer than an hour. MIL can express her feelings if not verbalise them, she loves seeing friends and family but she does get very frustrated and cries when she can't make herself understood which is often.

Reading this while sitting in a hospital corridor, OP MIL had a major stroke a week ago - it is 1 day at a time for each person, but her progress to date sounds much like your Mum’s. She is 89 too. There are a lot of tears, as she’s fiercely proud & dent & this situation is so distressing for her. She told me today she was desperate to eat some of my homemade cake, swallowing progress willing! Whether that happens is another matter.
Anyway, so sorry you’re going through this and for you

Thank you. I am in that horrible no mans land - kind of thinking it would be kinder to let her go but not wanting to, but then thinking how can I make a decision - she would hate to be dependant and immobile.

She's not been happy for a long time - she has osteoporosis and other things which have made her very sad and lonely - there is only me and my little family around her.

I don't know if I'm making sense - I'm just so confused.

We must be living parallel lives... MIL just has DH & a tiny unit around her and she too has been very unhappy for some time. And yes, the ‘no man’s land’ feeling is familiar too, from my own Mum’s final weeks. I have no suggestions I’m afraid, you just have to stumble forward as best you can and be there for her. But please know you’re not alone

Thanks so much. DH and I are going to see her tomorrow again. It's almost easier to make the horrible decisions away from her, but I have felt so guilty each time I'm at home - although there is nothing I can do when I'm there!

I just want her to be free if that makes sense.