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Elderly parents

Father in law just turned up and needs full on care

15 replies

Neem · 19/09/2018 21:03

My FiL is British, but tends to live abroad. He just turned up unexpectedly last week with ill health. He is dazed and confused and has some very funny turns. His mobility isn't the best. We registered him at our local GP, until he was healthy enough to return to his home abroad. A few days later he got very ill, totally zoned out, and ended up in hospital. They did tests and have put it down to depression (which is not convincing). Now he has been discharged and returned back to our house. He is much worse, with terrible mobility and seems very very confused. We cannot leave him alone, and he is struggling to climb stairs, and has taken over one of our children's rooms. We don't know how we can cope as we can't be with him all the time. Our house is rented, so cannot be modified to his needs. We believe he needs to be in a care home. Can anyone advise how we can go about this?

OP posts:
FishesThatFly · 19/09/2018 21:15

Unfortunately you're a bit stuck. The mistake you made was letting the hospital discharge him back to you.

FishesThatFly · 19/09/2018 21:16

You need to find your local adult social services and refer to them. This will take weeks as he has somewhere to live i.e at yours

FishesThatFly · 19/09/2018 21:17

If he is unwell I'd take him to A&E for assessment and refuse to allow him back when they want to discharge him.

Sounds like your FIL knew he needed care hense it's now your job

HoleyCoMoley · 20/09/2018 11:33

Poor dad and you. If it's rented is he allowed to live there, he won't be on the lease. You need to call adult social services safeguarding team and say he is vulnerable, a safeguarding issue is taken seriously, call the g.p. and say he is very unwell again, get him into hospital and do not let him back into your care.

Prokupatuscrakedatus · 21/09/2018 17:15

In memory of my DF - has he been tested for Lyme's desease?

My DF showed these symptoms (sp?) and it took quite a while for the health team to figure that out. After treatment his cognitive abilities returned but not the mobility.

SilverHairedCat · 21/09/2018 17:23

What's his status in the UK? Does he have any property here? A pension? Any other income? Other family? What about the same things, but abroad? Does he understand what's happening to him right now?

Neem · 24/09/2018 23:45

Thank you for all your replies. We spoke to his GP, who referred him straight back to the hospital. He is now being checked thoroughly which will take some time and is a relief. While he's still in hospital, I will certainly ask for social services to be involved due to his vulnerability. Really good advice. Thank you so much.

OP posts:
Hidingtonothing · 24/09/2018 23:54

If he definitely can’t come back to you it’s really important that you make this clear to the hospital before there’s any mention of his discharge. You may have to be quite insistent as social care is so overstretched now they would always prefer family to provide care.

Thisimmortalcurl · 24/09/2018 23:57

Has he got a UTI? Can really effect people.

Neem · 27/09/2018 12:29

No, definitely not a UTI. They suspected that first, but all tests have come back clear. His mental health is the most worrying right now

OP posts:
Mumof1andacat · 27/09/2018 12:34

There is normally a social worker working within the ward team. Some wards also have discharge coordinators which will offer advice and guidance when u get to that stage. Hope all goes well

pretendingtowork1 · 03/10/2018 06:23

Better hope no one spots that he lives abroad or he'll get a big bill for his NHS care.....

lazymum99 · 10/10/2018 18:34

Even if he's British if he has been out of the UK for, i think, 2 years he is not eligible for NHS, social care etc etc. I know you are in a really difficult situation but you can't live abroad and then return when your health deteriorates.
What was his situation before he returned to the UK. Where was he living.

lazymum99 · 10/10/2018 18:42

NHS for British citizens living abroad
The statement added: “People who live elsewhere in the EEA or Switzerland who are not working and are under the UK retirement age should either use their Ehic, if they're entitled to one, or make sure they have health insurance if they need NHS care when visiting England. Otherwise they will have to pay for their care.29 Apr 2015
British expats from outside Europe must pay for NHS hospital care ...
www.telegraph.co.uk/.../British-expats-from-outside-Europe-must-pay-for-NHS-h...

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/10/2018 19:07

Is he drinking enough? My elderly mum got very confused, and was briefly admitted to hospital, when she got dehydrated, and this is a common problem amongst the elderly.

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