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Original poster

Mum's holiday! Help!!!

25 replies

gutrotweins · 14/09/2018 19:41

Just a bit of background - dm (91) has lived with for 4 years. This brought with it a big problem the we hadn't foreseen - she refuses to stay in the house by herself overnight.
For the first two years, we went without holidays, apart from a couple of graduations when dm went to stay in the local hotel for a couple of nights. By year 3, we were desperate for a bit of respite, and went away for a week, with dm in the local hotel again.
Year 4 arrived, and dm decided that she was too frail to rely on hotel staff (probably true) and I managed to book her into respite in a care home for a couple of weeks.
It's now 3 months since the respite care (which she said she enjoyed at the time), and she has just informed me that she doesn't want to go back next year. [

This is what she wants to do:
She would like to go somewhere where there are people that look after you and take you out on trips.
Does such a place exist????? (Sounds like respite to me!)

I've also had the idea that we get a live in carer to stay at our house, so that dm can do her normal activities and perhaps have a couple of trips out with the carer. Has anyone ever done this?

Any suggestions greatly appreciated!

OP posts:

picklemepopcorn · 14/09/2018 19:57

Goodness! I've not had to manage that situation, but I'm sure lots of people have. Gentle bump for you.

thesandwich · 14/09/2018 22:02

Oh crikey! Some care agencies can arrange overnight carers/ live in- helping hands I think is one. Not sure how many would do very short term.....
have a look at your county council website- ours has a lot of care. providers they often have a phone line too. Age uk may have advice too.

Needmoresleep · 14/09/2018 22:11

Care agencies will provide short term 24 hour care. I looked into it when my mum was in hospital last year, to provide extra support post discharge.

Adult social services can give you a list of local agencies. Or phone any who you have been recommended. Might be useful to know who is good for a time when you/she needs extra help.

Expensive, but then so is respite.

PotteringAlong · 14/09/2018 22:14

How much physical care does she need? If none, how about a coach holiday? Minimal walking, meals provided, trips every day?

Original poster

gutrotweins · 14/09/2018 22:15

Thanks - will try CC and call into some care providers.
I've a sinking feeling that she wouldn't like a stranger in the house with her, but maybe we could get round that by arranging visits beforehand.

After I suggested that her requirements were somewhat...umm... niche... she proposed that someone we know comes to look after her. Reading between the lines, I think she means ds, who lives 200 miles away, is self employed, has fixed commitments during the week and can't drive!

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Original poster

gutrotweins · 14/09/2018 22:20

Pottering She went on a coach holiday about 5 years ago, so the wouldn't be out of the question. She can look after herself - she just needs a rollator to get round.
I'll mention that one!

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Triangularsquare · 14/09/2018 22:22

These guys might be worth a look: revitalise.org.uk . I haven't got any experience of them but sounds like the sort of thing she might be after

PotteringAlong · 14/09/2018 22:22

It might be a simpler solution.

azaleanth90 · 14/09/2018 22:28

Dementia Adventure? Saw their website recently

SealSong · 14/09/2018 22:50

A good friend of mine had live in carers for her mum from Country Cousins here. They were absolutely brilliant.

SealSong · 14/09/2018 22:52

Just seen on their website that they provide short term care also.

Original poster

gutrotweins · 15/09/2018 19:23

Thanks everyone. Lots to check out.

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Chasingsquirrels · 15/09/2018 19:26

My SIL arranged short time live in care for MIL, 1st time was more of a companion, 2nd time was more care based.
Phone some care agencies.

CMOTDibbler · 15/09/2018 20:28

How about a Saga cruise?

BikeRunSki · 15/09/2018 20:32

I was going to suggest a cruise too.

MissLingoss · 15/09/2018 20:39

Sounds like what she wants or needs is not actually a carer, but an old fashioned lady's companion, the sort who appears in Agatha Christie novels. Someone to keep her company, fetch and carry, maybe drive her to places. I don't know if such a thing exists these days.

AnnaMagnani · 15/09/2018 20:47

It sounds like her care needs are not high -basically someone to be around and make meals?

However she would like someone who is stimulating, will take her out and generally stop her being bored.

Problem with respite was probably that she was far more well than everyone else.

Many agencies supply live in care, but I think you are specifically looking for someone who is going to be able to talk to your DM, not just be able to do physical care and definitely someone who can drive.

If you are anywhere near Oxford, this is the sort of thing Oxford Aunts do. I am sure there must be other companies like it.

Another classic place to look for agencies would be The Lady. My DM used to do this sort of work before she retired

spinn · 15/09/2018 22:00

Many years ago my grandma lived with my parents (and me as I was 6-7yrs old).

She was fiercely independent and wouldn't have a carer so my mum hired a carer under the guise of a cleaner who would come and clean the house a few times a week but also help grandma out. This could be an option as a precursor to overnight if she could get to know the carer in advance?

MissLingoss · 15/09/2018 22:09

She needs Lucy Eyelesbarrow - if you know your Agatha Christie.

picklemepopcorn · 15/09/2018 22:12

We need Au Pairs that specialise in older folk!

Annebronte · 15/09/2018 22:15

You need Country Cousins. This is exactly the service they provide.

Original poster

gutrotweins · 17/09/2018 21:10

Thank you all.
I will contact Country Cousins this week and talk to them and I have sent for the Loch and Glens (coach holiday) brochure... so far.

We have tried the cruise idea. Having been on one, with several passengers on oxygen, we thought that would be a perfect solution. But NO! (No means no...)

She's recently hired a cleaner, but she doesn't communicate beyond telling her what she wants done and a bit of small talk. She has told us that she 'doesn't want to get too close'.

I'm afraid Revitalise needed a carer to go along too. Otherwise it would have been perfect.

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Needmoresleep · 18/09/2018 15:12

Kust Go coach holidays may also be worth looking at. Local pick ups (I think they do a huge pensioner exchange at a M25 sevice station ) and they count them on and the coach. DM managed them at a point when she did not have a lot of memory.

Needmoresleep · 18/09/2018 15:13

Typo. Just Go.

Original poster

gutrotweins · 02/10/2018 15:02

Just to say thank you for all your responses, and thought I'd let you know that I found a holiday... with carers!

I have booked with Limitless Travel, a company that specialises in holidays for the disabled. I've booked dm on a 5 day trip to the Lake District - the hotel is designed for disabled people and transport is modified for wheelchair access. It's quite expensive (as you'd expect when carers are employed by the holiday company), but the price includes breakfast, evening meal and trips out (cruise on Windermere and afternoon tea).

If a person is wheelchair-bound and requires more assistance, you can add on a care package.

It sounds great.

Short.... but great...

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