Failing Elderly Relative

[PeterPiperPickedSeaShells]

My Mum has been caring for an elderly relative for the past 5 years and the situation is beginning to fail, I was wondering if other MNers could offer some advice please?

Elderly Uncle lives 80 miles away in the house he has lived in for 60 years. He is in his 90s but has no medical issues and until recently very alert mentally.
My mother & I have LPA (is that right?), but it is my mother who drives to see him every week, does his shopping and washing. He has carers 3 times a day and rarely gets out of his chair. He has been admitted to hospital for 5 weeks recently following a fall for which they could find no injuries or cause.

He refuses to use mobility aids or wear incontinence pads. He has started urinating into cups & glasses which his drinks had been provided in. He threatened a carer with a (butter) knife recently whilst my mother was there. This morning has was found covered in poo having opened his bowels whilst sat in his chair. There is regularly poo over the carpet in his house. He does not get dressed anymore and wears no clothes on his lower half.
He has refused to enter into a discussion about residential care and will simply not discuss it with us. Whilst in hospital he can "talk the talk" and persuaded all the staff that he would use mobility aid, wear pads etc..... which of course he does none of.

My mother is 72 and with T1 diabetes, she is not relishing the thought of weekly 80 mile drives in the forthcoming winter again.

I think the point has been reached where he requires residential care. My mother will be speaking to his GP later today. What help can we ask for / expect? How do we go about asking for amMental Capacity assessment? I just don't think this situation is fair on anyone - him, my mother or the carers.

Thank you!

Oh dear, this must be difficult. Your mum can just ask his g.p. for a capacity assessment, the Dr can visit him at home and do it, tell her about his behaviour and ask for a visit. If they decide he lacks capacity you can speak to g.p. and social services, arrange a home assessment and discuss and help arrange him moving into a carehome. If he has capacity you can still call his Dr a nd adult social services, they can visit him but may not be able to move him if he refuses. The care agency manager can write a letter stating his needs have changed, he is threatening staff, at risk of pressure sores and infection due to being incontinent, weeing in to drinking glasses and he needs to be re assessed. Who is paying for his care, whether if it's social funded or private the care agency can write to social services with their concerns. If they don't feel he is safe at home or your mum doesn't feel he is safe then call adult social services safeguarding team. A breakdown in the care at home can be a way back into hospital, from there he could be reassessed and moved to a carehome.

just to add that the carers should be doing a daily assessment on him after each visit, does he have urine bottles to use instead of cups, they can put incontinence pads on the chair, serve him drinks in cups with lids that he cant remove, use plastic cutlery. this is just short term stuff, I am sure they already know all this.

Thank you @HoleyCoMoley some very helpful & practical suggestions there

Hope you get something sorted out