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Elderly parents

DM has had a fall. What next?

19 replies

longestlurkerever · 02/09/2018 18:27

Hello everyone. This is my first time on this board. My active, widowed DM (75) has fallen down the stairs. She's not too badly injured but very bruised and has hurt both her legs. The main thing is she can't properly weight bear. She can just about shuffle to the loo on a frame but would need help to shower. She'd probably have to navigate stairs on her bum. At the moment she's on holiday with dsis but is due home tomorrow. Dsis and I are trying to work out what to do in terms of caring for her as neither of us are local and we are due back at work/kids are back at school on Tuesday. She has a partner though they don't live together and frankly he's kind of unreliable. I don't know whether to leave him in the carer role, get her to come and stay here (we have a zillion stairs) or try and arrange some kind of support. Just wondering what the options are for the latter. Could I arrange something immediately? Would it need to be private sector if it's on a temp basis? What about equipment? Dsis has hired a wheelchair and frame from somewhere on holiday but needs to take it back. Do such places exist everywhere? Importantly how do I persuade DM to avail herself of this support as she's currently saying she'll be fine but dsis says she's downplaying it. Thanks in advance for any advice.

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thesandwich · 02/09/2018 19:53

Contact your local social services- and check the county council website for information.
Find out from them how to refer to an occupational therapist who can arrange equipment.they will have advice on care agencies but to get one set up she would need to be assessed.

thesandwich · 02/09/2018 19:54

Red Cross also lend out wheelchairs etc or charity shops sometimes have them

longestlurkerever · 02/09/2018 20:04

Thank you both. Really helpful!

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explodingid · 02/09/2018 20:09

You could call a care agency and they can do calls to help with your mum. They cost around £20-25 per hour. So could come in the morning and help with breakfast, showering or full body wash with a flannel and they can also prepare lunch for your mum in the morning call.

Penfold007 · 02/09/2018 20:13

What does your DM want to happen? I'm not being goady but 75 is not that old and she may well have opinions of her own.
Has she seen a HCP?

longestlurkerever · 02/09/2018 20:18

I don't know yet penfold and obviously that is key. Just wondering what the options were at the moment so I can discuss with her. But if she says she doesn't want any help from anyone I might be a bit concerned. Totally aware she's not that old - she was due to come here and look after my DC!

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Penfold007 · 02/09/2018 20:27

Oh my that is difficult! Sadly at around the same age my DM had a few falls, no reason and not really any injury so I may well have projected on to your thread, sorry.

howrudeforme · 02/09/2018 20:31

I’m sorry this has happened. You say she’s active so she should recover completely.

It’s so hard when you live away. Any chance her partner can step up for this period of time? If not it is better she stay with you.

My 77 mum fell out of the attic - narrowly missing bannisters that would have entailed also falling down a flight of stairs. She managed to call her partner. Was in hospital for less than 24 hours and discharged with pain killers and zimmer.

Looking at her at the time I really thought it was a game changer. She was screaming in agony and couldn’t walk. She’s now fine and with rambler walks three times a week.

However, for the duration she stayed with her partner as he has ground floor flat.

She needs to be fully equipped and be on one floor for a while. It will be hard but once recovered she’ll be back to active self. Shout for all help needed to help her get back her quality of life.

Best of luck.

HoleyCoMoley · 02/09/2018 21:09

Poor thing, falls are scary, has she seen a doctor and had an x-ray to rule out any fracture. A physiotherapist or occupational therapist will need to know this before they can assess her safely. If she has been seen and it's safe for her to be walking around I would call social services, age UK, red cross to see if you can borrow equipment, you can get wheelchairs, frames, raised toilet seats, commode from local mobility hire shops but shuffling up and down the stairs on her bottom doesn't sound safe. I hope she is ok. Maybe she could have strip washes for a while and it would be worth getting her to see a g.p. for some painkillers.

longestlurkerever · 02/09/2018 21:13

No need to apologise and totally valid question. Is slightly weird as can't actually speak to her as she's at the moment on a group holiday with plenty of support but no mobile reception and I keep missing her. But tomorrow will be quite different. From what I've gathered from the various people I've spoken to she's planning on going home and relying on unreliable dp, and is fairly confident it's very temporary. Dsis is less convinced that's a good enough plan and I'm unsure till I've spoken to her. I'm a bit worried about her emotional state though if she's effectively housebound. I'd rather she came here really but it's less practical in some ways as at her place she can set herself up to be on one level. My house has stairs everywhere!

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longestlurkerever · 02/09/2018 21:16

I also want her to see a Dr! Apparently she's spoken to one on the phone who said it doesn't sound broken and a nurse who is there on the holiday said the same but she's no better after nearly a week and I think it'd ridiculous no one has dragged her to one but hey ho!

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HoleyCoMoley · 02/09/2018 21:24

You can have a fracture,they can be difficult to diagnose without an x-ray and a proper examination, sorry to nag but she ought to see a doctor, walking around without knowing what is causing the pain and not being able to weight bear can cause problems. I wonder that particular bit the doctor doesn't think is broken, the nurse should know better too.

longestlurkerever · 02/09/2018 21:27

Yes I agree. That's the biggest reason I want to speak to her directly. I did speak to her a few days ago but at that point she was convinced she'd be fine by now.

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Squeakyheart · 02/09/2018 21:32

She definitely needs an X-ray in case it’s a pelvic fracture. Speak to her gp with her consent as some areas have rapid response community teams with carers and therapists who could support her during her recovery when she gets home. Hope she is feeling better soon!

GooseberryJam · 02/09/2018 21:56

In the area where my parents are there is a package of short term care available for up to six weeks for crisis situations, which covers things like being discharged from hospital but without yet being fully able to look after yourself. That seems like the kind of thing you'd want? Phone the adult social services in her area and ask about short term re-enablement care.

longestlurkerever · 02/09/2018 22:40

Thanks. Sounds like there might be help available if she wants and needs it. That's reassuring.

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longestlurkerever · 03/09/2018 16:02

Thanks again everyone. Finally spoke to DM. She's going to see a Dr today but she reassured me a bit that it is weight bearing and she's keen to go home. Her DP will help get her sorted at least and I've got my auntie (DM's SIL) to pop by and see how she is. She's not averse to getting more help in if needed but is going to see how it goes for a day or so. She thinks she's improving a bit now. Feel better after talking to her.

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Meandyoumake2 · 03/09/2018 22:33

That's good she's able to weight bear and hopefully she will come round in s few days . Is there a reablement service in her area?that might be an option to help with confidence and reduce falls if required

HoleyCoMoley · 03/09/2018 23:35

How's mum, hope she's ok.

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