Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Elderly parents

Respite care Surrey

10 replies

Bombaybunty · 19/08/2018 14:10

My elderly mother has terminal bowel cancer. She lives on her own and is brilliantly supported by the local hospice, district nurses and GP.

She isn't coping on her own. She has always been very resistant to carers coming into her flat. She has finally admitted she isn't coping. My brother and I have spoken with her about finding a nursing/care home for a period of respite care.

We've started looking and it's so overwhelming, the choice is enormous. Can anyone recommend a home in the Dorking, Leatherhead, Epsom area please?

OP posts:
NewspaperTaxis · 22/08/2018 14:18

I'm afraid not. Speaking from bitter experience, I'd advise you to avoid all Surrey care homes. I'm happy to go on record as saying Surrey County Council's adult social care is manifestly corrupt. The Social Services in particular are every bit as bad as you've ever heard and I understand they're being investigated at the highest level. Whether that actually goes anywhere depends on whether the ones doing the investigating are corrupt too! That's how it is in the country.

In the end we relocated to Kingston, which is also in Surrey but confusingly not actually under Surrey County Council but under the Royal Borough of Kingston. But I can't really recommend a care home there either.

Admittedly, my mother could not speak really (but alert enough, so more kind of 'locked in') so she was a sitting duck. Two care homes nearly killed my mother on three separate occasions, nobody held accountable, Social Services are in cahoots with their dodgy care homes so they don't investigate them, but go in hard against perceived 'whistleblowers' i.e. relatives who raise concerns.

The CQC reports are unreliable and they often sit on bad reviews so you won't know about them, while rushing through new good reviews with indecent haste.

I suppose I'd suggest - if you have to - a care home near to you so you can check up on things. Admittedly it's different if your parent can talk etc, she can just tell you how it's going. Most important? FFS get Lasting Power of Health and Welfare for your parent. Otherwise they can go in for respite care and Social Services can keep her there forever really, they are the decision makers for her care, not you. Okay, this is more if your parent loses mental capacity, but that is a nebulous area and you should know the Council is unaccountable anyway. It's a key perk of the job.

You haven't mentioned it, but avoid the Reigate and Banstead locality like the plague. The White House care home in New Malden got 'outstanding' CQC reviews but it's not in a lovely town, is not near you and I've no personal experience of it.

Six years of Surrey adult social care and six care homes and we never found one that we could trust with our elderly mother with advanced Parkinson's. You can go to the Age Concern in your local town for a list of care homes, but they only promote the ones in their own county and allied (ie equally dodgy counties) like Sutton. Still it gives an idea and also if she does not need nursing care it broadens things out. If she does, it narrows the field a lot. Carehome.co.uk allows you to put in your post code to get an idea of those in your area, but can be misleading as it flags up all care homes, not just those with nursing.

If your parent is 'terminal' I'd watch it if I were you. You don't say how long she's got, but the word 'terminal' does funny things to Surrey adult social care. The 'terminally ill' well, don't you can expect from them a toxic environment, let's say.

I suppose if it's 'respite' it might only be a week, but sometimes that's all it takes.

Bombaybunty · 22/08/2018 19:51

Thank you so much for the reply. I'm sorry you had such a terrible time.
I'm finding this whole process so difficult.
She is getting so confused about her medication, despite it being in dosiboxes. She's barely drinking and hasn't eaten for days. The hospice aren't able to take her until she is near the end of her life. Not sure how long she's got left but her bowel is still functioning and there doesn't seem to be any spread at the moment.

I've been to see a brand new care home that's opening in Leatherhead, but it doesn't open until 10th September. They can take her once it opens. She really needs some kind of care immediately.

Fortunately both types of power of attorney are sorted. I'm also a signatory on her bank account.

OP posts:
NewspaperTaxis · 23/08/2018 14:09

Hi, yeah, sorry for banging on! But to be forewarned is to be forearmed.

I have sent you a lengthier PM.

Can you try Home Instead, in the meantime, to arrange visits for your mother, in particular drink?

Yeah, hospices get talked up a lot but it appears to be rubbish. Three weeks is your max, I've found.

You could get your parent on a drip in hospital if she is unwell, I don't know, it's not great but we were forced to resort to that sometimes.

Well done for the whole LPA in Health and Welfare thing.

Isittimeforbed · 23/08/2018 14:17

Are you looking at privately funded or council run care homes?

Orchardgreen · 23/08/2018 14:22

Hi, I live in Surrey and my mum is in a care home in Farnham.
I think I know which care home you mean in Leatherhead, it’s run by the same company that has my mum’s care Home. Porthaven is the company’s name.
The nursing care is superb within the company, they are very happy to provide care for quite serious conditions including end-of -life care.
They have a Care home in Carshalton too, so it might be worth trying there. Farnham certainly has vacancies as it opened only in January.

I can’t express my relief when my mother went to see the care Home, she loved it and we chose her room that day. She has actually put weight on too.
Pm me if you want.

NewspaperTaxis · 23/08/2018 22:03

Wondered why I'd not heard of that one, bit of research reveals the Carshalton one opened only recently, and too late for our situation sadly.

Can't comment on it, it might be okay.

Bombaybunty · 23/08/2018 22:22

Orchardgreen that is the place I'm talking about. It's certainly ticks all the boxes and the manager seems very pleasant.
We're going for a visit with my mum next week if she's well enough.

OP posts:
Orchardgreen · 24/08/2018 06:48

You and she will like it I’m sure.
The Farnham home has senior nurses who have come from the acute side of the NHS, so completely on the ball for nursing sick people with complex needs.
It’s been a godsend......they sort out all her medication, call the GP out when necessary, but are also very good at assessing when she needs it or not. They are also happy to sort out and order her oxygen. Things I had to do from 50 miles away. I almost enjoy going to visit her now, largely because I can leave without feeling that guilt/anxiety thing.

mrsmalcolmreynolds · 24/08/2018 10:48

My DM lives (moderately severe dementia) in a home further out in Surrey run by a company called Signature. They have a home in Epsom so that might be worth a look. They are expensive, and I've got very little experience so far of their physical nursing but the place mum is in is very good and they are extremely mindful of patient and family wishes which is very important for us.

NewspaperTaxis · 24/08/2018 13:18

That Signature care home is not really in Epsom, it's more Burgh Heath, though quite close to the Brighton Road so it might be quick to get to for the OP. It is a bit fur coat no knickers, that kind of care home however.

It is also in the Reigate & Banstead locality. The Social Services there are truly dreadful and wholly unaccountable. Surrey's Social Services are like that generally, but let's put it this way - if you have problems with your parent's care at the care home, you don't want that lot to know about it. They will be on the side of the care home.
Reigate & Banstead Social Services, and East Surrey generally, launched a campaign of harassment against me after I whistleblew one of their care homes in the Banstead area to the local press back in late 2014 - the care home had nearly killed my mother.
They used my mother as bait, and timed the assault for Christmas Eve - Social Services like to do this, it turns out.
My local MP Chris Grayling knew about this - we went to see him three times over the course of a year - but did nothing.
That said, the OP does have Lasting Power of Attorney, something we did not have and which the Council - this time Epsom & Ewell - took full advantage of, crowing to our family solicitors 'We are the decision makers!' while my mother - again - nearly died twice on their watch. They are scum.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread