I am really struggling. And I think I need advice.
My mother is 74 and her health has rapidly deteriorated over the last 6 months. She lives alone after my Dad died just before Xmas 2015. She is weak, has neuropathy, doesn't wash herself or take care of herself. I believe she has not been eating which has made her even weaker. She will eat if it is cooked for her though. I don't know if this is because she is aging because she has always been lazy. My dad really struggled with her right up until he died. She can't walk very far and stairs are nearly too much.
A psychiatric assessment has been instigated and she has an appointment in two weeks time that I am attending with her.
My mother and I have a difficult relationship. She was a terrible mother at times and this was often. Emotionally and mentally abusive. She is also an alcoholic. And being around my mother does impact on my mental health.
I've had to help her this week going to the lavatory. It was horrific. She is currently staying with me, my husband and two young children. She is in my daughter's room and the four of us are sharing one double bed in another room. We live overseas, but my husband has driven to get her as she can't travel alone. I found she had urinated all over the floor this morning and the house is beginning to smell. I don't mind accidents, they happen, but being left to clean it without a word is a hard start to the day. I've tried to get her to the hairdressers, offered to wash her hair etc. all failed.
I don't know how much more of this I can take without having any control over the situation. I am beginning to feel trapped and heading back to feelings I had when I was a child. I've been looking after two small children and my mother for 7 days straight, with no proper sleep. My husband offers some support but not a great deal so I am beginning to resent him. I needed a break today to go to the gym for a couple of hours. Just as I was getting ready to go my mum has a 'funny turn' which means I had to stay with her. I was happy to stay but she just needed to lie down and rest. I asked my mum if I could help her to her room a few times. She said no, she just wanted to sit downstairs 'for a bit'. She didn't move all day, didn't wash and didn't get dressed. Honestly, at what point is is okay to ask someone to go to their room so everyone can have a bit of space and get on with what they need to do. She is very gloomy and I am trying my hardest to be patient and kind.
She is going home in a week back to the U.K. I call her every day and I visit once a month for two days. I know she receives attendance allowance. I have made her a promise that 'I won't put her in a home'. I want to help her but I know she won't help herself. I am very upset and frustrated tonight, so please forgive if my post comes across as selfish. I am just looking in to the foreseeable future with real dread. There are no siblings or other family.
She has depression, anxiety, insomnia. The list grows.
She has an appointment with a social worker coming up. What things can I make her do that will help her situation and improve things for us?
Key areas are:
Hygiene
Managing her eating
Being more self sufficient in any way
Social interaction
And what can I do to protect myself before I go crazy?