What happens now?

[fluffernutterbutter]

Long story short my dad and his partner are both elderly and I'll. they've refused help time and again and currently his partner is in hospital again with a long term illness (which she has in part caused). Currently my siblings and I are on the other side of the country attending his mum's funeral and we've been informed by her daughter social services are now getting involved. My sister tends to take the lead on this type of thing but what's normally the case from now on in? Obviously there's a lot more to it, and don't want to dripfeed but we've suspected financial abuse from her side but it's been a long push pill struggle to try and help/get power of attorney and we did actually arrange home help for them which they sent away. Thanks in advance.

Gosh, you've got a lot going on. I'm a bit confused who is who. Your dad lives with his partner, she is in hospital, they need social services help which the hospital are arranging. Is that right. Are your dad and his partner married to each other, do they want to stay at home together, are they safe at home. Do any of you have p.o.a. for your dad, either for his finances or his health. Does anyone have p.o.a. for his partner. Which one of them needs the help, what sort of property do they live in, do they have to pay for their care.

Yes. Sorry that's right. She's in hospital and he's at home. They're not married. I think they want to stay together at home but it's not suitable at all. They're completely cut off, no shop nearby and on a main road.

We tried to get dad to sort out poa when she was last in hospital but he kicked off and had a massive go at us. We then took him to the bank to try and sort out some bill and we found his savings had been rinsed. He was also surprised but got super defensive. I think about £80k has just vanished?

Loads of large transfers out of the account and he's been giving her £2k a month for groceries and paying all their bills as well for about 8 years?

He tells us that she hasn't got anything and she's broke when in actual fact she has a lot of money stashed away, property, pensions from her husband etc. She has her post sent to our house and it's all from banks etc so she has a few accounts.

She had initially said that they would need help/carers last time and he would have to set up another direct debit to her account to pay for it. Siblings and I arranged private care for them at home but when she found out she cancelled it. She also tried to gift their car (bought 50/50) to her child and when we kicked off she went mental.

The amount she told him she would need was numerous times what it actually cost. We also found in the paperwork (whilst we were trying to sort things out) lots of cash transfers to her family members as well. She also had money stashed around the house which her family came in and removed last time she was in hospital.

It's all a bit of a mess but he got so angry when we tried to point this all out and we eventually gave up pushing.

The type of building them live in doesn't hold its value and it's utterly destroyed from tobacco damage.

They do need the care but as soon as she and her family get involved it gets all cloak and dagger. Big cash amounts that "they will arrange" that he has to stump up.

That sounds awful, you can report suspected financial abuse to social services but he may well get angry. Who is it actually needs the help. If she is in hospital the social worker and therapists will assess her to see what she can do and recommend help or equipment, they will also do a financial assessment. They will ask about the home situation and your dad but they cannot assess him for help, that needs to be done separately by his local social services if he agrees. Do they have a joint account, he does not need to set up a direct debit to her, if she has her own money she can pay for her own care. I would redirect her post to their place, who owns the property they live in. I personally would speak to him again and say you are worried about his money being abused, 2k a month for food is madness, it might also be worth asking the doctor or social services to visit him and do a capacity assessment to see if he understands what you suspect. You can speak to adult social services safeguarding team about the situation but I don't know how involved you can get with her as you're not family. Poor man. How old are they. Are you likely to visit her in hospital, you can raise what they call a cause for concern with the social worker, tell them what you've told us.

Thanks for coming back. They both need the help but he refuses any medical help so ss will be with her and for her. They own their place but it's a caravan so it's more of an object than a homestead. No postal address there so can't redirect their post. It was meant to be a temp measure but it's been going on 7(!!!) years.

No joint account I'm aware of. He used to be very open with us and finances but since they got together she's pulled him away/he's pushed us away. It's a mixture of him just going along with things for an easy life and being bloody minded. She could run away with everything and he'd still argue he'd given it to her to save face. It's such a nightmare though. She forced him to ditch all his belongings, all our family photo albums ended up being given to some house clearance people. I have no photos of me as a baby and barely any of my late mum.

Way back after she initially died I was living with him renting together and when she came alone she insisted that he move in with her. Despite telling me i would always have a home with him as long as I needed he told me to "make my own arrangements" by text, essentially kicking me out. I don't really give a crap about getting any money or possessions in the long run. I just miss my dad. It's sadly such a common scenario from what I've read. I was just hoping if ss get involved they'll look financially and see he's being fleeced. He was meant to spend his retirement travelling and not worrying about money but instead it's all been pissed away god knows where. He's ended up as an alcoholic as well now and they just sit and drink all day. He tells me he's miserable but won't do anything about it. He's practically housebound now and just withered away. A family member who is a hcp saw him once and thinks he's got the markers of cancer etc. He's just a shell. My ds tried to get him to stop the dd to her a while ago and it ended up in a huge ruck in public and he won't talk to her anymore.

Gah this is more venting than anything now. I just want my dad back and her and her family to go away.

Venting is good

You can call Elder Abuse UK, they have a great website, even if you can't change things they offer support and information.