Helping Mum settle into care home

[maddywest]

Mum is moving from her town to my town next weekend, into a residential home near to me. What can I do to make this as pleasant for her (and me) as possible?

Bit of background: Mum has mobility issues and arthritis and falls often. She also has long-term depression and anxiety and has been extremely negative about everything for years. Dad died 6 months ago. Since then Mum has alternated between living at home with carers coming in, and a couple of spells (2 weeks and 4 weeks) respite in care homes near to where she lives. She understandably isn't happy living on her own - she and dad had a terrible relationship, but at least he was physically there, and helped more than she realised.

We have taken her to see an extra care sheltered living complex where you have your own flat and carers coming in as well as communal space and eating, but she didn't like it. She has quite enjoyed the respite care homes apart from them mostly catering to people living with dementia, which meant less social interaction and chat than Mum needs. We think we have found somewhere in my town which will suit her better, so she is coming up for a month in the first instance - with a view to long term.

She doesn't have much of a social network where she lives now.

How can we best help her with the move?

Can you personalise her room a little bit?

I find my residents enjoy having their own TV and radio and an iPad / tablet if they’re tech savvy!

Some photos and ornaments and a nice bedspread will help her feel at home.

Any hobbies she enjoys like knitting, cross stitch or crafting? We really encourage our residents to continue with their hobbies from home.

Many places ask for info about residents- can you put together photos etc with details of family, life story etc with names to brief staff so they know details?
If you can ask them to find other residents with similar capacity that can be good.

Thanks, yes she will have her own TV, and some photos. Bedspread is a really good idea. She's not big on hobbies, I'm rather hoping that she will be introduced to some in the care home! I've asked the staff to make sure she has people to talk to, I think that's going to be crucial to her settling.

How did it all go? [Flowers]

Well, it got off to a bad start. She has been put on nursing floor rather than residential due to lack of rooms - I agreed to this before she came up, as I was told there would be other non-nursing residents there for her to talk to, but there aren't, so she is on her own all the time, even at meal times there are only a couple of people in the dining room as most are bedridden, and those that are sat with her have dementia and can't hold a conversation. Also, the staff took her clothes away to be labelled on Friday afternoon and didn't return any of them until Saturday afternoon, so she spent the first night in a borrowed pyjama bottom and the top she had been wearing all day (including 2.5 hours travelling from her home town), and would then have to wear the next day as well.
BUT, we spent time in the garden of the home over the weekend and chatted to some of the happy residents, so I can see that it CAN be a nice place (which is what I saw when I visited of course, or I would never have chosen it!). And Mum was much happier when I popped in on Monday evening, her TV was working and a chaplain had been to see her for a chat. And the food is nice, and the carers are nice, and the location is great for me to see her lots. And I have spoken to the manager about getting her involved with other residents, and moving rooms when possible (and of course about the laundry fiasco, about which she was sympathetic but non-comittal). I'm going to take Mum out this afternoon, and I'll see if things have improved.
Of course I feel horribly guilty that it was such a bad start, and Mum is being amazingly stoic. But it is a trial month, and if she doesn't want to stay, and wants to go back to her home 200 miles away where she isn't coping I don't have a plan B at the moment. Actually we are already on about Plan G, so somehow Plan H will have to be conjured up.

Thanks for asking, and for the , much appreciated!

Is there any way you could do her washing? Care homes are notorious for losing/mixing up clothing. My dm has been in three and we've always had problems with laundry mix ups.

It sounds as if both you and she are doing your best to make it work. it is a big transition for her and you are alert to this and trying your best to help smooth the way. Nothing is ever as good as one-to-one care and living in a group environment will always have its challenges.
However can you get FaceTime set up for her so she can 'beam' you into her room and chat? My advice would be to introduce her to 'new' things rather than recreate old experiences. Can she read to other residents? Can she go online? Must be a huge weight off your mind knowing she is 'safe.

Laundry works best when her clothes are well labelled and distinctive. My DM wears Age 13 Mini Boden joggies, socks, t shirts and PJs so mostly we never have any problem