Obligation to care?

[InASarnie]

I would like to chat with others who have found themselves feeling obligated to take on the role of carer.

I’m in my late 30’s and have already provided care (including end of life) to two elderly relatives. I don’t find this type of role comes naturally to me but there were no other capable family members around and it was the right thing to do out of love. This is now coming to an end. I am feeling some relief st

My mum seems to waiting in line to fill what she sees as a vacant position to have me as carer. Undoubtedly she does have significant health problems and very poor mobility and I feel guilty but I have 3 small children of my own to look after and was looking forward to feeling less stressed about rushing backwards and forwards caring for someone else in another house. She lives 20mins away. How can I handle this? Is this just my future? It feels bleak. But I guess we don’t get to choose what happens to our family members.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you handle it?

I don't feel obliged to care for my parent . Not at all , she can go in a home if need be . She has enough money and if it runs out she will go into state care .
I'm not heartless but you have a life and so do I , she is not my responsibility!

Thanks @KC225 - I do try to pin down times and arrangements but the preference is definitely for making last minute requests and help with daily routines rather than once or twice a week at pre defined times.

The preference would be to have you at her beck and call, wouldn’t it?
But that doesnt work for you. You have preferences that are equally valid.

Well that may be her preference , but it’s not a reasonable demand . You have your own life. It sounds like she doesn’t reallu care how this affects you, and you will have to bolster your certainty in your own self - I.e. your needs and wants are valid , and saying No is okay.