Mother mentally ill

[lightonthewater]

I wonder if anyone could give me some advice.
My widowed mother is 81. She has been a Jehovah's Witness for many years and has always held some challenging ideas. I am not close to her and for most of my adult life have lived some distance away, visiting very infrequently. We do not get on very well . I am the eldest with two younger siblings. One of my siblings lives about 20 miles away but only visits about once a year, when they want something. The other lives even further away than I do, and she has a much better relationship with my mother, she has always been the golden child.

I have had increasing concerns about my mother for a while, wondering if she is developing dementia. My siblings will not engage with any concerns i express, they just don't want to know.

My daughter is staying with her at the moment on a temporary basis, and she is finding it very difficult to cope with my mother, who criticises everything she does and wears, and expresses some frankly crazy ideas. My daughter is actually a bit scared of her and doesn't know what to do. They hardly know each other and my daughter is trying hard to cope with a very difficult situation. She has to stay there another two weeks before she can move out and there is nowhere else she can go.

My concern is what do I do if her behaviour is actually a symptom of dementia? My siblings don't want to know. I have an Aunt who has power of attorney over her health but they don't get on and my aunt really doesn't want to know either. She has a brother to whom she is very close , but he is also a JW and I don't get on with him and haven't spoken to or seen him for eight years. He lives at the other end of the country.

I am genuinely worried about her mental state. She has become very withdrawn towards anything that isn't JW based, is frankly a bit paranoid and I wonder if her obsessive concentration on a few topics is a symptom of something more sinister than religious fervour.

I am about to move closer to her soon and am wondering if this is a good or bad thing, but I can't bear to stay with her any longer, so maybe it is better from the point of view of keeping an eye on her.

The whole family is fairly distant, uncommunicative and suspicious of one another which doesn't help.

I am also concerned for my daughter as she is finding staying with my mother and being under attack all the time very upsetting.

I don't know if this makes sense. I have a lot of very difficult situations going on in my life at the moment, and this is just one more. I just don't feel I can cope.

If you are concerned you can contact her g.p. who could arrange a visit, your daughter needs to get out of their, it's too upsetting for her, could she stay in a hotel or with friends. Who doesn't the aunt with p.o.a. get on with, if she and your mum don't get on then you need to contact the office of the public guardian with your concerns. It is her responsibility as p.o.a. to act in your mum's best interests, if she isn't then she can't have p.o.a. anymore. You could also call adult social services safeguarding team if you feel your mum is unwell and at risk, does she have a history of mental health issues.

Unless you actively want to be involved with her care I would not move closer if you are not moving for other reasons as well?

can your dd really not stay anywhere else? sounds horroundous for her... your Mum has in her life chosen her path and beliefs I woudl hope her community will look after her.. as you do not have poa it wil lbe difficult to get anything formal done... you can write to her gp with specific examples taht your dd can say and ask them to look but some are more willing than others to actually do anything pro-active..

Please have a good think about what/why you want to pick this up - she is unlikely to be any better a mother now than she has been in the past and it seems like you have a very distant relationship.. you do not need to cope with this...

I can understand your worry. I know how difficult it is to handle your loved ones with dementia. My father had dementia and at a certain stage, handling him was very difficult for us. My friend suggested me about the memory care near Morris County NJ. The memory care is best for people who has dementia.
I would suggest you to be careful and patient with your mother. Also, you can consider the option of memory care.