Problem with carers

[lucydogz]

I'm sure this isn't unusual and would be interested in other's experiences. My mum and dad are in their early 90s and late 80s. Until recently they have been very active and independent. But have steadfastly refused to consider doing anything about making their house more easy for them.now my father is suddenly bedridden after a fall. Things could be a lot worse. They have some money and room in the house to put the bed in the dining room.
My sister and I live 2 hours away and our brother is 30 minutes away. We all get on well and communicate about this.
The problem is that my sister set up carers with the NHS but my parents don't like having them. But can't do without them. My mum has already cancelled them once and my (saintly) sister has had them reinstated.
Have others had similar problems. And how do you deal with them?

Sorry to hear this. Sadly very common. Down to losing control,feeling invaded etc.......
all I can suggest is making sure nhs know not to act on the cancellation- do you have power of attorney? If not, get it set up fast.
Is there anyone your parents will listen to? Vicar/ doctor etc?

It is incredibly common. I dealt with it by starting to parent them, and blaming everyone else (not family - the social worker, nurse, dr etc'.
So I told dad 'the doctor says you must have carers, else mum can't be at home', then complaints about not needing them 'well, social services say you must have them, and that's that'.
Not that I don't sympathise, but like taking a toddler for their vaccinations is better when you are terribly matter of fact, I've found that the 'no possible excuse' route is best as dad will argue with me, but the hospitals word is god and I just have to keep deflecting to that for all our sakes

Very common, if the carers are for your dad your mum shouldn't really cancel them, if they are worried about the cost they can apply for attendance allowance and carers allowance. I would speak to their g.p. and ask for a home visit either from Dr or nurse and as others suggest say that he needs carers in. Your dad could benefit from a social services home visit to talk about making life easier for them both, if he is now bedridden he ought to have an assessment for a pressure mattress, hospital type bed, continence products, recliner chair, maybe even a hoist. All these things are free from the n.h.s. his safety and wellbeing are the main priority and she will struggle trying to wash him, use the toilet, change his position.

Definitely get a full assessment from Social Services for both of them, and check what funding is available to support them. This varies from one council area to the next. it can make a big difference and it may be that you could use the funding for private carers (here they call it 'self-directed' funding). Private carers often have a minimum visit of 30 minutes or an hour, depending on the company. The carers were mostly very good. In 4 years, DH only had to ask twice for specific carers not to be sent again (first one got far too friendly with vulnerable MIL; she just couldn't get on with the second one at all!).

We were able to convince MIL the carers were there to help FIL and vice versa, and we got away with that version of events until FIL died.