Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Elderly parents
Original poster

Won't take a taxi to hospital

36 replies

ragged · 07/06/2018 19:26

Do others have situations like this with elderly relatives? How do these things get handled by others?

ILs live 2+ hours drive away. 84yo FIL, if you met him casually, he seems to have good health, full faculty, perfectly mobile, only treated with some warfarin, but his hip is terrible. He doesn't tell doc about it & would refuse a hip opp, anyway. Walking is tough for him.

ILs don't drive more than 3 miles. FIL has a hospital appt in 2 weeks time, 30 min drive from his home. DH has been asked to go down night b4 to drive FIL to/from the appt (in morning... but could get delayed).

They could afford a taxi, instead. Doesn't need to be DH who drives. FIL commuted by train to work for decades, but they shudder at things like taxi or public transport nowadays. Then again, I think MIL may need to stay home with the dog (not a puppy, they are just weird about max. leave dog alone 1 hour) and she wants DH to just be a support/remember what doc said.

We can juggle other commitments that day, it may be a one-off request. I still feel slightly irked they are so set in their ways and don't even think about other solutions. Is this just a normal level of support folk usually offer their elderly family?

Waiting to hear I'm being very U Blush.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 07/06/2018 19:32

Yanbu but he has asked your dh could sayhe can't manage ifhe really doesn't want too be stuck going or maybe ring the hospital to ask about patient transportbut it sounds like they are asking for support. . My parents would rather poke pins intheir eyes than take a taxi anywhere they can afford it I guess they are stuck in their ways

MrsJayy · 07/06/2018 19:34

As you said he is 84 I think somebodyif they can should go with him they should

Original poster
ragged · 07/06/2018 19:35

I swear I am not going to be like that in my dotage. I'll go willingly into the residential care community for a start.

ILs are pretty good folk overall. I'm just wondering if a pattern will develop. My own parents are also starting to touch upon frail, but too far for me to offer casual help.

OP posts:
savingmysanity · 07/06/2018 19:45

Would they be eligible for hospital transport? If they are,its door to door but will have a wait at either end for them to be picked up again. But does negate the taxi issue

NorthernLurker · 07/06/2018 19:54

I don’t think it’s unreasonable. What’s the apppintment for?

I do think you need to accept, as we all need to, that our parents will all need more from us as they age.

Original poster
ragged · 07/06/2018 20:21

They'd be horrified about taking hospital transport. It means waiting around for ages & ages, doesn't it?

But in long run, yes, hospital transport may need to consider. They need to get used to this "getting old" lark.

I should check what appt is for; I get the impression it's an annual regular check for something longstanding, not a new concern.

OP posts:
CPtart · 07/06/2018 20:30

PIL have hundreds of thousands in the bank and when FIL had a knee op and needed to get to hospital for follow up (MIL doesn't drive and SIL was working), MIL went knocking on doors up and down the street looking for a lift as they won't pay for a taxi. I was completely embarrassed and mortified for her. MIL now has a bad leg but instead of installing a downstairs loo or stairlift is hauling herself precariously up and downstairs? Just waiting for the phone call to say she's on the floor.Head completely in sand.
2+ hours away is utterly ridiculous. I would probably do it as a one off but be very nervous about what they expect in the future. What plans and preparation are they making for if FIL becomes immobile?
Many years as a district nurse and seeing the state some elderly people are willing to end up in through lack of forethought and unwillingness to spend on care in their old age "what they've worked for all their life for" maybe taints my view.
YADNBU.

Original poster
ragged · 07/06/2018 20:36

I wonder if I should suggest to DH that he chat to his mum about her Plans B & C if next time neither DH nor BIL can help out.

My elderly father had a bad fall in a hotel last year (luckily nothing broken). Security had to help him get back in bed. If he did that at home, step-mum would have to ring an ambulance to get him off floor (I think?). Their neighbours are few & unhelpful. I wish they had another option. :(

OP posts:
Clutchcar10 · 10/06/2018 14:43

Older people get free bus pass it some councils you can swap for a limited amount of taxi rides. To be eligible for free hospital transport you have to meet certain criteria. Some towns have a voluntary paid or free transport system to doctors, hospital or social clubs. The other alternative is to pre book a taxi and pay for it to take PIL to hospital, but they would need to call their own taxi for the return journey. Or you make the journey yourself.

WeAreGerbil · 10/06/2018 14:47

There might be a community car scheme run by a local charity with volunteers doing the driving, google community car scheme or community transport with the name of the place, it might feel better than going in a taxi.

IHaveBrilloHair · 10/06/2018 14:51

I use hospital transport, it speeds things up usually, the hospital will get you seen to asap because your driver may be waiting for you, and the hospital usually have a lounge for you to wait in where they'll get you a tea/coffee .

IHaveBrilloHair · 10/06/2018 14:52

When I went for my last appointment the waiting room was full and there was a sign saying the Dr was running 30mins late.
Waited less than 5 minutes and was on my way home 20 mins later.

LIZS · 10/06/2018 14:54

Dm has used hospital transport and only got delayed occasionally. Agree with volunteer drivers and there may also be a dial a ride community transport service. Dm has managed in the past between hospital transport, taxis and lifts from friends.

BrownTurkey · 10/06/2018 14:58

If i was dh i would just say kindly, you can always ask me, but obviously because of work i won’t always be able to say yes - can you look into whether there is a local network of volunteers, or find out how much a taxi would cost and then next time if i can’t come I can organise and pay for your taxi instead.

kitkat463 · 10/06/2018 15:02

hospital transport is for people who cannot use public transport or lifts for medical reasons. Not for people who would like a door to door service without the cost of a taxi! Doing pick ups for able but elderly patients means journeys take longer (and cost nhs more) for people who are medically unfit / unwell and likely find the journeys awful as it is! rant over ....

Dodie66 · 10/06/2018 15:09

I would actually find out how much the taxi would be. Here they are very expensive. £30 for a 16 mile round trip to the hospital. Also they might just like some support at the appointment. I used to go with my father because he sometimes didn’t hear, remember or understand what the doc had said. They lose confidence when they get older, I think they look after their family and help them while they are growing up and a bit of support for them now would be nice

AJPTaylor · 28/06/2018 07:22

i did this last year with my mum. she lives 4 hours away! tbh i think she wanted the support. when it became clear it was going to be a regular thing she found a bus!

OlafLovesAnna · 28/06/2018 07:30

Local to my area there is a franchise called Driving Miss Daisy which is a taxi service for people who might need support etc, I think the driver will wait with the client in the hospital and be more prepared to help them in/out of car.

There may well be something similar in you ILs area.

annandale · 28/06/2018 07:33

Agree with definitely doing it this time and discussing future options. Fantastic in a way that they are admitting they wouldn't remember what the doctor said but a bit worrying too.

annandale · 28/06/2018 07:35

Btw we have handled it by getting mum to move near me. It's almost killed us all to get it to happen though.

Fflamingo · 28/06/2018 07:46

I'll go willingly into the residential care community for a start

Haha. That’s what DM said in her 50s after seeing how difficult her own DM was for her sister to look after...... until the time came 30 years later when I had to bully her into it!

Slartybartfast · 28/06/2018 08:10

Hospital transport is of course appropriate. highly recommended.

FinallyHere · 29/06/2018 17:18

Another vote for a community volunteer driver service. We have one here, and there is a similar one where DM lives, close to DSis. If you are that far away, it would be really useful for them to get into the habit of local support. Hospital appointments do seem to multiply..

opinionatedfreak · 03/07/2018 23:52

If they can afford to use a taxi we found setting up an account really helpfu for wealthy but crazily frugal elderly relatives.
They don't have to have cash.
They don't have to physically pay the bill so it feels less like spending money.

We also started spelling it out. Still working. Limited Leave. Limited office goodwill. Better restricted to "key appointments" and not ferrying back & forward to physio.

My experience n=5 oldies is that they can be pretty bloody selfish as they get older & putting boundaries in place us no bad thing and doesn't make you a bad child.

Getting subsumed by caring is bad for mental health & burned out caters are no use to anyone.

PickAChew · 03/07/2018 23:57

At 84, I imagine you get to the point where the turns up when it feels like it hospital transport is worth avoiding.

If it's inconvenient for you, you need to find a mutually workable solution, though. you