Helping 81 year old Mum living solo to eat more - some dementia and not hungry!

[loveyouradvice]

Hi ... this is my first time of posting on this board.... though I'm a habitue of other parts!

My lovely 81 year old Mum who is fiercely independent is getting rather forgetful, early stages of dementia and has lost 3 stone in just a few months. At last, she is letting us help her have all the regular tests - no major cancer, but does have diverticulitis. More tests to come

Meanwhile the challenge is encouraging her to eat stuff - if I ring at 4pm she will quite happily tell me that she's eaten half a banana and a digestive, has a full fridge and isn't very hungry. She does have problems with vomitting and diarrhoea which I guess is the diverticulitis, though we're not sure how much - each time it happens she exclaims "this is very unlike me"

At the moment one of her three children (including me) is seeing her once or twice a week, when she happily eats a reasonable though small meal. Clearly not enough but a start and for various reasons it's unlikely that between us we can manage more than twice a week - and she would certainly refuse to live with any of us!

Any ideas? I suspect Im not the only person to have this problem!

I had/have a similar problem with my Mom. We bought ready meals and they were going uneaten. It took me a while to realise she couldn't understand the cooking instructions. I started putting post-it notes with how to cook them on them and she got better at eating.

She also had a social services assessment and they suggested icare as they deliver hot and cold meals and you can pay extra for someone to sit with them while they eat.

I decided to go with a 1 hour visit per day from care providers. One of the main aims of the visit is to ensure she's eating. They make her breakfast, prepare a sandwich and write cooking instructions on her evening meal. What they've prepared is noting in her log book and the following day they check to see if it's been eaten. The hour also gives her social interaction as she's fairly antisocial and prefers to be in the house than go out.

Mom doesn't have a diagnosis yet but I wanted to act sooner rather than later. I live 125 miles away so having someone going in everyday takes a little bit of pressure off me.

Soup with cream added if poss. M&S do a a good Bacon and Lentil soup for a quid, then add single cream from the fridge and it fattens up. Full fat butter on toast of course.

Chocolate isn't healthy but it is moreish and these snacks are better than nothing.

Shortbread biscuits are rubbish but are actually fattening.

Protein shakes, a quid from Co-op.

Berocca in water with Fibregel is also good.

I suppose make sure that visitors really are staying that long to get her to eat. Tales of them hanging around for 10 mins or so.

What about Skype can you work that sort of thing. You could have meals 'together' from time to time.

Does she have her pills in a blister pack? Our local pharmacy will divide the pills up so instead of counting one from this packet and two from another, you just have to pop open the next window in the box. A bit like an advent calendar, but divided into 4 times a day.

Have you tried Apetito? They're the cooked meals side of Wiltshire Farm Food. They've replaced the Meals on Wheels service in many areas.

My mum, who's now moved into a care home as she became very bad with Alzheimer's, had them in her final few months in her own home. The two course meal was delivered every day and set out for her. They can also do sandwich and cake as a 'tea' for later. My mum had a special soft diet (not pureed but more tender meals) as her Alzheimer's meant she had problems swallowing and could choke on harder food. She's also diabetic. Apetito drew up a 7 day diet for her which was approved by the hospital.

They don't offer the service in every area but you can find out if they deliver in your mum's area on their website Apetito.co.uk. I honestly think we'd have lost mum late last year if it weren't for their help.

Hi OP - to help with knowing when it's time to eat, there are things called day clocks which can be set up with reminders and are also much more dementia-friendly than normal clocks and calendars.

Is she constipated? That would reduce her appetite.

Ask the Local Authority Adult Social Care department for a Needs Assessment. Privately funded Care in the Home provision may run from a nearby Care Home.

Try Age UK and Unforgettable ( www.unforgettable.org ) for advice and products.