Advice please elderly parent refusing to visit doctor

[Pebbleontheshore]

Could anyone offer any advice please. My 85yr old father has been deteriorating mentally and physically for the last 6 months. His short term memory has got quite bad now and he will only leave the house if I am there to take him out. 6 months ago he would get the bus to town 3-4 times a week on his own, walk to the local supermarket and go to concerts etc. Also he has lost a lot of weight and doesn't really eat much. Today I tried to get him to go to the doctor to discuss his memory and eating problems but it ended disastrously with him begging and pleading and nearly crying for me to not take him, and that it is just old age and to be expected. I am not sure what to do now. Do I force him into going, although I am not sure how to do this if he will not get into or out of the car to go to the doctors, or do I just accept that he doesn't want to deal with this until it gets so bad that he doesn't have a choice?

This sounds awful. Could you contact the surgery and explain your concerns and request a him a home visit? Could you or someone else be with him?

Yes, request a home visit. He is in denial and frightened of what a diagnosis might mean. In fact, as we have learnt with the recent diagnosis for my FiL, a diagnosis is what unlocks lots of resources to help him and his carers improve his quality of life.
Can you try and "sell" a GP visit to him on that basis - it's not an admission of failure or "the end of the road", it's the start of something positive.

Thank you. I will to try to get a home visit. I think my father will take this as a betrayal but I'm not sure I have much choice really.

Try not to feel guilty. You are doing what is best for your father, even if he cannot see it. In the nicest possible way, he needs to be told". My fil has also deteriorated significantly in the last year but at least now he is on the radar of the NHS and other agencies. He has appropriate medication, a blue badge, attendance allowance, a home visit to assess his care and daily living needs. Attendance at the local "memory clinic" has been a help particularly to my MiL - lots of practical advise and help.
Good luck. It's so hard isn't it.

Any chance there is some underlying depression. DM got quite depressed at one point when she was still aware of the memory she had lost. Three months of antidepressants made a huge difference.

Yes I think he possibly has depression as well which may also be contributing to him not wanting to go out.

I had a similar issue with my mum. I tried to get her to go to the doctors and she told me last November she would go in January. I kept trying in January onwards but eventually got a telephone appointment with her doctor and he wrote to her asking her to arrange an appointment. As I deal with her paperwork I saw the letter and arranged an appointment which I could take her to.

We have now had the appointment and the diagnosis process has started including urine test, blood test, CT test. This will then be followed by an hour long visit to the specialist dementia doctor at the surgery.

It has been a long time coming and she doesn’t know I prompted the letter from the surgery, I still feel a bit of betrayal but I’m sure it is the best course of action for her.