Hoping to get my Mum's permission to register her POA

[annandale]

Feeling very unsure about it.

She certainly hasn't lost capacity or anything like that so it should be OK. But it does feel like I am doing it now because if I wait much longer she might reach the point where there would be a question about her capacity. We are trying to get her to move and she is pretty stressed and much more confused than ever before I'm hoping that she will actually find it a relief if we can do some of the financial stuff for her. But she may struggle with the idea of it and tell me very politely to eff off! Any experiences of this?

It’s a great thing to get in place. Is there someone she trusts who could suggest it to her? Has she made a will? Could you use it as an opportunity to review her will and put poa in place in case she ever needs it? Good luck.

It's all signed and sealed so in theory I could just send it off. But in reality I feel I need to ask her before I register it. Maybe it's because she started to make an EPOA where the registration was the acknowledgement that she needed someone to do things for her (unfortunately this got lost before being registered). The LPA is different and registration is just one stage, but it still feels big somehow.

Just go for it and tell her you have sent off the paperwork. You will only need to use it when she does not have capacity.... it is big, but please don’t dwell on it. 🌺

You don't have to wait until she loses capacity to help with finances, if you look through the financial p.o.a. There is a box to tick if you want to use it as soon as it's registered, you could also just become a third party with her bank so you can write cheques, pay bills, day to day stuff really but she needs to give you permission, it's not such a final feeling as a po.a. If you know what I mean and allows your mum to still feel in control of her money.

The point is to get it in place before she loses capacity (and you need to get it registered within a time frame of starting it as well ). It meant I could get mum's bills set up to be paid via DD as she'd got to the point where she was 'putting them away somewhere safe' and I was having to search for them.

Definitely PoA is one of the most imortant things to get done. My Ma signed it and then much later was very grumpy about it but that soon passed and she forgot about it totally. I rarely used it tbh I used to encourage her to do as much as she could herself with support but there are times when it is REALLY useful - get health and financial and this is the cheapest and most reliable place to do it and the helpline is excellent too www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

You could also think about joining our group on facebook - lots of practical and emotional support from carers and professionals and people with dementia - we also campaign for better care for older people - come and have a look
www.facebook.com/groups/dementiaconnection/

Have just done the forms for DM and sent them off immediately. There is no reason to delay and every reason to register while she has the capacity to consent for the seven or so weeks it takes to process

Don't overthink it. Don't wait for permission or for something else to go wrong so it is needed . Just get it in place. Would it help to think of it as a precaution rather than a step towards your parents dependence on you?

Explain that if she had a stroke, it would take a year, and quite a lot of money, to sort out guardianship via the court of protection, and until that happened Social Services, rather than family would be in the lead. This is true for Health and wefare as well as finance, meaning family would not be able to influence decision making as much as they might want to.

And that an Attorney only steps in when the person no longer has the capacity or no longer wants to handle things like finances.

Do it. You don't need to activate it straight away but it is worth having as by the time you need it you will probably be dealing with a tonne of other stuff and you may struggle. It was a total nightmare for us when we left it almost too late and so stressful. I spent hours trying to get access to bank statements in a hurry (trying to move him into assisted living) and it was the most stressful thing ever.

Just do it, OP, if you are still dithering. If it helps put your mind at rest, having PoA does not allow you to over-rule your mother's wishes, while she is still capable of making decisions, but it does allow you to act on her behalf, when she finds it difficult. For example, if you have PoA, the bank will discuss her account with you, will allow you to set up, change or stop regular payments. If she already struggles to get to the bank, or talk to them over the phone / via internet, you will no doubt find it much easier than she will. DH had PoA for his father; his father kept forgetting his PIN and got very flustered on the phone (deafness didn't help), but with PoA, DH could phone the bank with his father beside him and it was all sorted out in a jiffy, no drama.

Later, much later hopefully, if your DM reaches the stage of being unable to make decisions, you will be glad you put PoA in place. If she reaches that state and you haven't, you will be too late, and you will be sorry. Think of it as an insurance policy that you hope you never need.

Completely agree with seeing it as an insurance policy. They were registered for both my parents. We never needed to use Dad's but when Mum became unable to sign her name it was a God send. You absolutely won't regret doing it, you may well regret not.

Have done one recently for health and financial just get on with it as they take a time to come through

Even though I have POA i still ask Dad what he wants to do and consult with rest of family

I am in a similar situation and feel that it is something I need to sort out before DM deteriorates any further. I have mentioned it to her and she seems to be positive about it as she has seen it recommended on consumer programmes, in the press etc.

She has always been very capable regarding her finances but I have noticed more and more episodes of confusion and forgetfulness recently and I think I will need to take over fairly soon. That way I will still be able to discuss what I do re. finances on good days and will be able to just get on with it without her input on bad days

in the uk the best and cheapest place to do PoA is online www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney/make-lasting-power it's straightforward as long as there are no family issues