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Elderly parents

Moving in your 90's?

5 replies

goldenlilliesdaffodillies · 10/04/2018 19:21

My MIL is a very active, sprightly, clever lady. She is 94- still drives and is very independent. She has always said that she wants to stay at home and if she ever became too frail, she wanted to someone to live in with her as a companion/carer. She has even found a person to do this.
My BIL has lived abroad for over 30 years and only seen her once or twice a year. BIL has now moved back to this country. He is now trying to make MIL sell her house and move to a fancy retirement village nearer to him and arranged viewings. MIL has lived in the same village for 50 years and has a many friends and a good support network (as well as us). She is in a central place so grandchildren and family can easily visit her.

DH has always been there for his Mum and would struggle to get to the new place which is some hours away (as would the rest of the family). BIL travels a great deal around the world so although the retirement home would be near to him, he probably wouldn't be there much of the time. If something went wrong DH would have to sort it out, but would be miles away.

I just can't believe BIL thinks this is a good idea. How practical is it for a 94 year old to start all over again in a totally new place where she doesn't know anyone? On paper the fancy retirement home sounds nice, but in reality I think she could be very lonely. Does anyone have experience of this?

OP posts:
VallarMorghulis · 10/04/2018 19:48

Your BIL is out of order. What is your MIL saying about these plans?

My DGM is in her mid nighties too, she lives independently in her own flat and has a companion who is not live in, but comes most days for company, helping with shopping, banking etc. My DGM is not so sprightly as your MIL though, she no longer drives and uses a walker.

A couple of years ago she decided to move to a retirement home, but after a few months she decided she didn't like it and returned home. Thankfully her flat hadn't been rented or sold!

VallarMorghulis · 10/04/2018 19:50

Mid nighties! I can't believe I wrote that Grin

I meant mid nineties of course...

Time40 · 10/04/2018 20:02

Sounds like a terrible idea. Why do you think your BIL wants her to do that? Do you think he's after some of the proceeds of the house sale?

wormery · 10/04/2018 23:31

If she's happy where she is and has family support she should stay there, BIL should leave things as they are, I hope she is able to speak up and say she doesn't intend to move.

goldenlilliesdaffodillies · 16/04/2018 23:14

Thanks all- BIL has admitted the move would be to suit him. DH had a long chat with him and BIL had no idea the impact it would cause to MIL or our family (we see her a lot). He is still going to take her to look but she said she will consider it carefully.

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