Just fed up and sad

[bigupapple]

My poor mum has been unwell for 20 years since I was a child, I've always been her carer, this last year she moved into a lovely care home near to me and I see her every day, it's just getting to the point where I don't want to go, it's so upsetting, sometimes she can't speak , just makes noises, constantly battling chest infections, in and out of hosp, when she goes in, I normally spend hours there each day repeating myself to the nurses and doctors as she can't speak , tho now I'm 8 months pregnant I'm exhausted I'm broken and I just can't do it, I can see see needs to go back into hosp, antibiotics she's on now arnt strong enough, but if she goes in and I don't go with her and speak /fight for her and doesn't come out I'll never forgive myself, but I've nothing left, I have no other family to speak off, I have an amazing husband but he has to keep our business going, I want to be happy, I've waited so long to be pregnant but it's overshadowed with worry all the time, and now I think the worst, and that at a time when I'm ment to be happy that will get taken away from me aswell 😕

Bigup that sounds awful. So sorry. There has to be a way to keep on top of things without being there all the time- it’s so hard.
But you must put your life and your baby’s first.

Hi OP you have my sympathy I used to be in a similar situation just worn out by thinking of someone else always before me. Emotionally blackmailing myself. Thesandwich is right you have responsibilities other than your mother, as you know and would your mother really want you to feel like this, rather than visiting could you perhaps telephone her on some days so you know whether she needs you to speak for her? Could you ask for a contact at the hospital?
You say ' that will get taken away from me as well' what else do you feel has been taken from you? I can guess of course.

Bigup I agree with previous posters.

I am going to give some advice I was given which I wish I had followed myself.

Put yourself first.
^^
I find this very hard, esp when it comes to doing nice things for myself. So I am a huge hypocrite saying this, and I am older than you, with no children. I do have an elderly mother though.

Please concentrate on your baby. The biggest reason in the world. If you run yourself ragged you will be there for neither of them.

And harsh as it sounds, your priority has to be your own health and that of the baby.

^^
^^

Thank you for your messages, it's so hard, I love her so much, she never complains, when she has a good day, she can speak a little and smile and we have a laugh, then all the hard work it's worth it,

I just meant, there's more sadness than happiness, I'm always worried, when it was our wedding I worried about her being well enough, and anytime I go away for a weekend somthing happens, I'm just being selfish tho as it's worse for her x

Could you contact the patient liaison team (pals) at the hospital to see if they can help

I just had a call from the home and said she seems settled and abit brighter than earlier when I was there, and they have arranged the dr to come out 2moro, and not to worry tonight
X

Bigup, do you have Power of Attorney? Does she suffer with dementia at all? I have been there and experienced this, when I was pregnant too.
Does your mum have any family? Siblings?
It is so hard I know.
Depending on just how I'll she is, I would try and keep her out of hospital if you can. Is she in a nursing or residential home?

OP, you really need to start putting yourself and your baby first, surely your mum wouldn't expect you to do anything other than this? Try and let go of this guilt you have hanging over you.
As I'm sure you are aware, it'll be tiring with a new baby, you need to start resting up ready for this. Please take care of yourself. Best wishes.