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Elderly parents
Original poster

Unwell parent miles away-advice please.

20 replies

TheChubster · 27/02/2018 18:58

My mum hasn't been top notch for a while- tummy upset and not got completely better.
So tonight she's phoned and said she feels odd-faint, dizzy, could fall if not holding on to things all the way to kitchen. Hasn't been able to put shopping delivery in fridge. Peeing a lot.
I thought uti so she's going to try and totter through to kitchen for water. Won't phone me back to say she's made it as it would be too much effort to get to phone.
Won't phone friend to come over as she knows she'll have had wine and can't drive.
Might consider phoning dr in the morning but doesn't want me to phone nhs direct.
I'm 500miles away. What do I do? She's 83.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 27/02/2018 19:00

Call 111 for advice.

HonkyWonkWoman · 27/02/2018 19:15

Try to contact her again this evening to put your mind at rest, (a little).
Tell her to ask the Doctor for a home visit and if she refuses to phone them, tell her that, you will.
It does sound a lot like a uti, was she a bit confused as well?
But any way ask her to "up" her fluid intake.
Tell her to be extremely careful going to the loo in the night if she's dizzy.
In the long term, she could do with having the "Red Button" phone installed and wear the toggle red button. The Dr will tell you who to contact but I think the service is run by the council and costs about £30 pm.
If she starts to suffer regularly from dizziness it might be helpful if she has a Walker (just for emergencies) then getting to the kitchen, bathroom etc won't be quite so risky for her.
Looking to the future, she may possibly need home carers, helping her at intervals over the day.
Hth.

HonkyWonkWoman · 27/02/2018 19:17

Yes! If you're really worried this evening. Ring 101 as JustMuddling suggested.

HonkyWonkWoman · 27/02/2018 19:19

Sorry 111 of course!

Original poster
TheChubster · 27/02/2018 19:20

Am on hold right now. Thank you.

OP posts:
HonkyWonkWoman · 27/02/2018 19:22

Hopefully, they'll send someone round to check her out.
Better than leaving it and she has a fall.

Original poster
TheChubster · 27/02/2018 19:32

She's extremely independent and stubborn so the hcp and I are debating whether anyone would get in!
I'm feeling stressed out of my mind.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 27/02/2018 19:34

Can you ask her to let them in to check on her, as you will worry about her all night if she doesn't. Kind of ' you'd be doing me a favour, Mum?'

Vitalogy · 27/02/2018 19:37

Hopefully your mum feels better soon.
For the future, would she consider sheltered accommodation?
She could get a portable phone, have a few hand sets dotted around the house at least, she doesn't need to be struggling to get to a phone.

Original poster
TheChubster · 27/02/2018 19:48

They're going to try phoning her. I've explained her letting all calls go answer machine and then long pause while she gets to phone, even if she wants to speak to anyone.
She wouldn't countenance sheltered accommodation, carers, walkers, red buttons or different phone. She barely lets on she's in her 80s.

Ok the lovely hcp has called me back. She tried calling 10-15 times, got the answering machine but eventually mum picked up only to slam the phone down, repeatedly.
So we know she has some energy.
I'll try her in the morning and phone the doctor.

OP posts:
HonkyWonkWoman · 27/02/2018 19:53

This is why the "Red Button" System is so good. They fit a secure, locked, key safe on the outside of the house, with a code that is given to the Emergency Services by the Control Room.
So they can always obtain access, if a person has fell or is too ill to get to the door.
Very difficult I know if they are independent and stubborn.
My Df was like this till I realised that he was scared that "they" would decide he had to go in a home. He was fine when I told him that only he could decide if he ever wanted to do that and no-one could force him to do.

HonkyWonkWoman · 27/02/2018 19:57

She's a feisty one OP! Good for her!
Worry for you though!

PinkBuffalo · 28/02/2018 15:06

Just seen your thread OP.
Hope your mum is better today

Original poster
TheChubster · 28/02/2018 16:12

Well we had a somewhat fraught conversation this morning as I got ready to go to work and eventually she agreed to let the dr in should I be able to get her a home visit. Which I did. I've just got home and checked with the surgery and a home visit occurred, a sample taken-suspected uti.

OP posts:
HonkyWonkWoman · 28/02/2018 16:25

That's a relief for you Chubster.
She sounds like a very young 82 year old, under normal circumstances.
Hope she recovers very soon!

PinkBuffalo · 28/02/2018 17:37

Glad the Dr got in to check her out! Well done OP

smurfy2015 · 02/03/2018 12:15

Was about to post well done on getting a home visit for your mum, can i ask how she is now? Is she feeling any better?

Original poster
TheChubster · 02/03/2018 18:27

Hi, she rang me later that day sounding much better. However she'd only had coffee, cake and water all day and for some unknown reason hadn't taken her antibiotic. Also she said the dr had left a pot for sample, not taken one away which considering she was too poorly to make it the surgery and return said sample is a bit odd.
The dr visiting does seem to perk her up. Apparently this is a thing. Relatives can talk, persuade, cajol and get upset with no result but a dr will work wonders.
She's had her friend over for a visit and a neighbour popped in to see if she needed anything
About to phone her for an update.

OP posts:
smurfy2015 · 03/03/2018 17:31

@TheChubster glad to hear she was sounding better anyhow.

The healing power of the visit of the Dr even it was a friendly chat, prob dip of a urine sample, maybe a quick listen of chest etc. Makes the world of difference and a boost because many elderly people i have found see the GP as a source of authority on everything, although my own GP claims she knows wee bits about a lot of different things.

Blackteadrinker77 · 03/03/2018 17:39

Would she not relocate to live close to you or another family member?

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