Elderly grandparents = dont know where to turn

[supermariossister]

Little different as they are my grandparents but hopefully still relevant, I dont know where to turn really and feel like either way someone is going to hate me.

My grandparents are both 80 this year, various health complaints and i believe signs of dementia in grandfather, nan is in heart failure and has fibromyalgia - they really need care in but do not want to accept this or have anyone in their home which i understand is a hard decision but between myself, brother and sister both of whom have newborns and all of us have family/jobs i dont know what else to do.

GM has been in hospital this week, we have been there every day and sorting gfather at home as well, she returned home and the nex day he had a fall and could not get up, they are arguing non stop and im at my wits end

They will have to accept either home help or residential care. It could go on for years and years and with all due respect you can’t be expected to what will eventually full time inc nightly care. Encourage them to employ help and assist them in finding someone they like.

Can you call their GP, explain the situation and ask for a referral to their local social services, they need a home assessment, they are both at risk of further falls and not being able to look after each other. Is there anyone in the family who would have the courage to say to them that the family can no longer help and they really need help. Has anyone got power of attorney for them. Age uk offer a lot of very practical advice.

I have tried the gp as he is also their gp and sees them fairly often but they are very good at seemingly being okay and he says he is limited to what he can do when they are both of sound mind ( which i dont think they are!)

They bicker and argue constantly and it seems like everytime i am there lately they just moan about each other relentlessly and im finding things really hard. I got the forms for home assistance who were going to come in and see what adaptions could be made to the house to make things a bit easier for them, they wouldnt tell me their pension income for the grant assesment which was fine i got the forms filled everything in except the financial part and took it down. Hes given it me back and said she wont fill it in she doesnt want to so they wont have the assesment.