Upset by mum making things up

[noneshallsleep2]

My mum lives a long way from us, and has become increasingly confused over the last couple of years. She has been very forgetful for a while, but in the last 6 months she has started to make things up - for example, she was convinced that a model in a catalogue was my DD, and kept ringing me up to ask if I'd given permission for the photoshoot. She also makes up conversations she's had, but she is convinced they are real.

I met up with some of the family this weekend, and have found out that she has been telling people that I am having marital problems, that DH has a second family, and that I only got married because I was pregnant. (None of this is true). At first I found it quite amusing, but the more I think about it the more upset I am. DH is also pretty upset about it.

Mum seems to be able to look after herself reasonably well, although she is housebound and is fairly unsteady on her feet.

I don't know whether her GP is aware of these issues. I know the GP won't discuss the matter with me without mum's consent, which I don't really want to ask for, but would writing to the GP be of any benefit?

I think my sister is keeping from me some of the worst things that mum's been saying - I think she's been accusing DH of cheating her out of money, but I haven't told him about that.

I'm partly worried about her, but if I'm honest I'm mainly upset and angry that she would say these things. Has anyone experienced similar?

Don't be angry, she may have a medicinal condition that is causing this behaviour,. There is no harm in speaking to her go about your concerns, one of your family needs to help sort this out, good luck. You can also call age uk for their advice.

It sounds as if she has dementia and is not able to distinguish reality from fantasy. Try not to be upset as she won't be able to c help it. She will genuinely think these things are true when she says them but may not always think they are true or be able to be rational about it.
In the first instance I would talk to her GP and alert him/her to what is going on. They won't be able to discuss your mum's condition directly without her permission but will want to know. They may be able to make some assesment themselves if she has any regular appointments or could invite her for a memory clinic appointment.

I don't think there's any point getting angry. The fact that this is relatively recent and is coupled with increasing forgetfulness/confusion points to the onset of dementia. She can't help it. She isn't deliberately "lying".

She needs to see her GP for an assessment of her mental state. Does your sister live close enough to her to persuade her/accompany her to her GP? If not, you need to seek advice from Age UK, as previous poster suggested.

Thanks for the replies. I'm more upset than angry.

I've spoken to Age UK and written to the GP. I don't think we can do much to help unless mum agrees, but at least I've flagged the issue so the GP is aware of it when they next see her.

All the stories are plausible unless you know they're not true, so you probably wouldn't be aware there was an issue when you spoke to mum

Oh, OP I know it’s horribly hurtful but this does sound like the onset of dementia. She is not deliberately lying. My gran is the same sometimes - she told quite a few people that i’d Been sacked from a job, when i’d just got a new one & left the old one...

It is good you have made the GP aware.

Dementia is a nasty invasive illness that gobbles up the best bits of our relative 's brains and disrupts the way they think and act.

Without any prior knowledge it takes a while for us as onlookers to catch on that its the illness as it starting to mess with their memory. It's really tough and the hurt is like the start of a bereavement flowers]

Try to concentrate on all the 'correct' things for now while she moves towards medical assessment.

My mum used to come out with some outlandish things ... like DF was having sex with teenage boys in his car parked on the driveway ...when he was actually watching football on tv in the lounge.