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Elderly parents

Can't cope

3 replies

blondiebea · 09/01/2018 17:12

My dad, through his stubbornness (I tried to get a full care package in many times before) has stayed as a main carer to my mother for far too long. Now she has taken a turn for the worse, and he physically and mentally can't cope anymore.

I understand and sympathise, and am helping out a lot. I have arranged an urgent assessment from social services. In the meantime I was there today for a few hours to help with washing and making the bed etc.

But it's not enough, it's like he has hit a wall and can't do it anymore, he's calling me every half hour and the stress is making me ill. I want to help but I am already behind on my uni work (mature student) and until the nurse and assessment team see her I kind of feel like I can't do much else. I am physically unwell enough to lift and move her and mentally my anxiety is off the chart.

It sounds simple but what do I do? Leave him go drown? Turn my phone off? I don't think I can bring myself too. My mum is crying and doesn't seem to know what day it is, it's all just too much. It's going to take a week or so to get the assessment done and I know I have to but I don't think we can cope until then.

OP posts:
CMOTDibbler · 09/01/2018 17:23

I think you need to call social services again and tell them that your mums care is now breaking down completely and that you feel that she and your dad (plus yourself as another of her carers) are now at immediate risk physically and mentally. And that something needs to happen very urgently.

It might be worth calling their GP to see if they are able to help - sounds like your mum will be well known to them and they might be able to apply some pressure. Or does your mum have a specialist nurse?

BrokenBattleDroid · 09/01/2018 17:33

Oh that sounds so tough Flowers

Advice above sounds good.

Are you close by? Would they content with being in the building with you? I.e. could you get uni work done if you went to theirs - stick an old favorite movie or two on plus tea and biscuits for them, then knuckle down with study.

Obviously only a one or two day solution (if you'd even think it could work) whilst waiting on the emergency care.

Apple23 · 09/01/2018 18:07

If the above doesn't get you anywhere, then ring social services adult safeguarding team.

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