Leaving work to look after parents?

[MynewnameisKy]

Has anyone ever given up their job to look after their parents?

If so how did it work out?

What kind of things should I consider?

I don't really like my job anymore but obviously that shouldn't be the main reason. Df is 86 and has dementia Dm is 80 and is his main carer.

I also have a Dh and 4dc. I would be able to claim carers allowance.

Carers allowance is very small OP...about 60 pounds per week. Wouldn't you struggle financially?

If you wouldn't struggle, then it could be a very enriching thing to do but with 4 children of your own and a husband I assume is working, what would you do if one of your DC was ill and had to stay home from school?

Or if there was a situation where you needed to collect them at short notice?

Would it be ok to leave your Mum in charge for shorter periods?

Then there are holidays to consider...how would you and your family have a week off?

I think it's a very bad idea. Benefits are changing and services are already vastly eroded. The chances of getting respite will be slim to none. Carer's Allowance is a pittance.

@expatinscotland I think that's probably a valid point. I just wonder do you think that about SAHM's too?

Yes carers allowance wouldn't replace my salary but we would still have enough to live on.

My other concerns are pension contributions and dependence on Dh. DP's dependence on me.

Dm is fine for a few hours on her own but is very lonely and increasingly frail.

DF would still get respite and I do have siblings who though not as close geographically would still cover when required.

Maybe not a factor in your situation but I would check that you becoming their carer does not affect any funding they currently receive. CAB should be able to advise.

Have you investigated how much it would cost for your parents to have care workers in to their home? Even for a few hours. It spreads the caring 'load'. Some people do not live close to their family. You could start with a cleaner, get their medicine delivered. You would be giving up a lot if you give up your job. What happens if you want a holiday?

'I just wonder do you think that about SAHM's too?'

Think what? You're not talking about being a SAHM, you're talking about becoming a carer to two elderly adults, one of whom has a progressive disease that often requires 24-hour care in its later stages and can lead to the patient's being violent and/or behaving in a dangerous manner (such as leaving a gas hob on or leaving water running). It's a complete non sequitur. Carers in many areas get little to no support or respite. Taking on this role may effectively leave you unable to care for your own family. Similarly, with Universal Credit being rolled out, it's hard to know if you'll be allowed to keep the CA at all. So for this reason I think it's sadly an extremely bad idea.

@expatinscotland sorry I think I phrased that badly.

What I meant was are you opposed in general to people becoming dependants on their spouse and or the state in order to take on a carer role.

I wouldn't necessarily disagree if you were.

I have several concerns about this idea and I am far from convinced that I should do it.

I appreciate all the responses because I really need to think about things that are not obvious to me.

Carers Allowance is currently not means tested. It may well become so.

I wouldn't be claiming any other benefits.

'What I meant was are you opposed in general to people becoming dependants on their spouse and or the state in order to take on a carer role.'

If it's relevant to you then you definitely should not do this, specifically since this is voluntary. Most people become carers to a spouse or child in which case it's not a choice but a compulsion.
Personally, I think it's a bad idea because it's far, far too much for one person to take on emotionally, physically and mentally, particularly in the climate of changes to benefits and great cuts to services in this country, but also as you have a family to consider as well.

If your parents are putting pressure on you to do this, I'd rope in some support from my spouse, tbh, because it's patently unfair to expect one's adult child to become their carer, especially when that adult has other commitments.

And once you go down that road, there's little way of going back.

IIRC, you lose CA if you earn over 116 pounds a week under UC, but not sure if this applies to your partner's earnings - I wouldn't be surprised if it does, though.

The real issue, though, is that caring for someone with dementia if very full on, and you have a frail mother and 4 kids on top of this.

There's no way in hell I'd do this. Have a look at the Elderly Parents threads.