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Elderly parents

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Original poster

MIL keeps getting hysterical

19 replies

scrabble1 · 20/12/2017 16:08

DH went to see his parents today. FIL has parkinsons and dementia and MIL has been resisting the idea of home help. Second visit from care agency today to get things in place and DH noticed bathroom light was not working. MIL hadn't told him about this and when he said we need to get an electrician she started showing off again. He's just rang me totally fed up as she is doing this over every little thing. He booked a half day off work last week to get FIL in shower and she had a showing off session then.

OP posts:

Fairylea · 20/12/2017 16:11

Showing off seems an odd choice of words.

Is she upset about needing to get people in? How can you reduce her anxieties?

WonderfullySunny · 20/12/2017 16:15

Is showing off a typo OP? Perhaps explain her behaviour so we have a better idea of what you mean?

Original poster

scrabble1 · 20/12/2017 18:43

Flouncing, storming off, raising her voice hysterically

OP posts:

Fairylea · 20/12/2017 19:48

What do you think is causing her to be so upset?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 20/12/2017 19:51

Well, it sounds like she isn't coping. But you don't sound very sympathetic tbh. Is there a back-story we don't know about?

flimp · 20/12/2017 19:55

Fucking hell, this woman is grieving the loss of her husband before his death, she's having to accept having strangers come in her house and you're dismissing her distress as 'showing off'?!

Have some compassion!

ChrisPrattsFace · 20/12/2017 19:59

It sounds like she’s yet to find a way to cope with this, and it isn’t taking much to remind her how difficult she has it!
Sounds like she needs encouraged that the home help is positive without feeling like she’s totally lost her husband.

PugwallsSummer · 20/12/2017 20:03

She needs some support - it sounds like she's under incredible strain and not coping.

wowbutter · 20/12/2017 20:07

I would call what she did a normal emotional reaction to the situation.

happygirly1 · 20/12/2017 20:08

She's dealing with the slow loss of her husband and her world is changing beyond measure. Emotionally she will be pretty full up already so smaller things are pushing her over the edge when they previously wouldn't have done.

In the nicest way, I'd cut her some slack, show her she has your support and maybe not take to heart how she reacts whilst she's going through this; chances are she doesn't mean it or want to react like she is. Things will get worse before they get better, for all of you so many just try and come together as a family to get through it.

BertrandRussell · 20/12/2017 20:12

"Showing off"?

Blimey.

Lunde · 20/12/2017 20:16

Showing off? That seems a very uncaring choice of words for someone who is going through such a tough time.

It sounds as though she is not really coping and any additional problem is overloading her. She may need to be assessed by her GP for stress and anxiety

RandomMess · 20/12/2017 20:22

So creating a scene?

She sounds in a very bad place or is this typical of her behaviour?

hatgirl · 20/12/2017 20:27

I suspect showing off is a colloquialism. The OP has explained what she meant.

Has MIL had a carers assessment from social services or any of the affiliated charities yet OP? It might be worth seeing if she can get one of she hasn't.

Equally the Parkinson's society, age concern and the Alzheimer's society can all be really useful resources.

In the meantime try and walk in her shoes for a bit. She's scared, having her home invaded by strangers and slowly losing her husband to two quite cruel diseases.

BertrandRussell · 20/12/2017 21:21

And don't forget in all of this that these people are your husband's parents. Not a random couple unconnected with him....

Original poster

scrabble1 · 20/12/2017 21:37

It's always been like this. We've tried so many things to make life easier but she has made everything difficult. Told us not to ring the GP because we are interfering when FIL has needed medical attention. Has asked for respite and then shouted at us for arranging it. Wants a few hours of care but refused a social services assessment. Asks for jobs to be done like arranging an electrician to replace a broken light fitting then makes a lot of excuses to avoid the appointment.

OP posts:

JaneJeffer · 20/12/2017 23:36

I had similar problems with DM when it came to getting care for DF. She didn't want people in the house as she was paranoid about them. She would get very angry with me. However after he had a couple of falls she had no choice and it was such a relief when she finally agreed to home help and made such a difference to all our stress levels.

notaflyingmonkey · 21/12/2017 08:16

I get what you are saying Op. I can't see it being a sustainable situation if your DH has to book leave to get his dad in the shower though. Hopefully the carers can pick up that sort of thing. Will DH have an input into the care plan, or is that down to his mum?

christmasrage · 21/12/2017 08:29

It's a very difficult time. My parents are going through similar. There is a thread on caring for elderly parents, it's a good place to go for advice.

Losing control of your home, your husband, your privacy, it's a huge thing to deal with at the same time as watching your partner of many years deteriorate. They have been together for more years than you have been alive, and now she is having to accept other people interfering in her arrangements. She is bound to be conflicted and emotional about it.

Doesn't make it easier to manage though!

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